It’s that time again! First Headline Dump of 2023! If you are feeling lonely because it's Valentine’s Day or all your friends are rushing, read these and you will cheer up.
Worried about being lonely on Valentine's Day? Check out advice from our very own Luv Doctor to make sure you have a blast!
If The Miami Student Editorial Staff is on the nice list, this is what they’d want for Christmas.
Breaking News: Elves are not the jolly creatures we thought them to be. This Christmas Headline Dump exposes them for what they really are.
Don’t worry kids. I already know what you want for Christmas and I took care of asking Santa for you!
Do you remember Ebenezer Scrooge from “A Christmas Carol?” Well if this story were to happen at Miami, here is how it would go.
Thanksgiving meals can be incredibly boring. Holding a conversation with family members you didn’t even know you had is always incredibly difficult. But fortunately, I am here. These are the best topics to bring up at Thanksgiving dinner.
This Headline Dump may be small, but it is mighty #ouhateweek
If you did not already know, our founding fathers had a time machine they used to help win the American Revolution. In the testing stages, they sent Thomas Jefferson back to the future to learn about the outcome of the war. Unfortunately, he landed in present day Oxford Ohio.
Looking for a significant other for the holiday season? These pickup lines are guaranteed to get you your Miami Merger!
Prepare yourself for the spookiest headlines of the year
Are you scared of sprinklers? Does the fire alarm go off constantly in your dorm? Enjoy this true, definitely-not-hilarious news report with breaking news on the subject.
With the coming of Halloween only days away, it is only fitting that the scariest places on Miami’s campus are identified. You need to know the locations to avoid when the goblins and ghouls come out to play.
What is it that makes one liners so funny?
For Miami Students, Extreme Jaywalking is as common of a pastime as shitposting on Yik Yak. It’s no secret we love to do this, but why is that? I’m determined to find a slightly less-than-acceptable answer.
"Underclassmen: worried about getting caught by the OPD? Worry no longer."
Due to the popularization of the term, “Let’s Go Brandon,” Brandons worldwide have been feeling the impact of this phrase. Have you spoken to Brandon recently? If not, no need to fear. The Miami Student reporting team recently spoke to a few Brandons who had various feelings on the rise of “Let's Go Brandon.”
Here are all the questions you’ve always wanted to ask your gator-wrangling Floridian friend, answered by TMS’s resident Floridian — everything from alligators to Florida Man.
Fake News Headlines Are The Best Thing Since The Invention of the Pop-Tart
Breaking News: Humor Editor writes another funny “Headline Dump”, Surprises Nobody