If you are one of those losers who never saw “Cars” as a child, don’t bother reading this article.
Despite all of the unpleasantries that my tumultuous freshman year at Miami entailed (online classes, political strife, getting hand sanitizer in my eyes when I’d go to wipe away my tears), there was one thing that always made my day just a little better: the dining hall desserts.
When I see people going out to the bars, I find myself wondering if they’re warm enough, and last weekend, I audibly said, “Sheesh, my back could not take those heels, I need more support!” to an unassuming freshman clearly just trying to enjoy her night in some killer 5-inch stilettos.
Have you spent the past few weeks lying awake in your twin XL bed wondering if you peaked in high school? Asking yourself why the girls in your hall aren’t on their knees begging to wait 30 minutes for dining hall pizza with you? Never fear: after spending weeks undercover in the class of 2025, I have collected all the tips and tricks necessary to become the coolest freshman on campus.
Yeah, breakups are hard, but interactions with exes can be fun, right?