Another age old question finally revealed! Daring Humor Editor sends a secret agent into the wild of Miami’s campus to find the answer to one of life’s most burning questions.
The origin story of Miami’s Pink Eye endemic remained mysterious until now. Pink Eye wreaked more havoc on Miami’s campus than COVID ever did and its story deserves to be told.
Can you tell which headlines are factual?
If you are one of those losers who never saw “Cars” as a child, don’t bother reading this article.
Despite all of the unpleasantries that my tumultuous freshman year at Miami entailed (online classes, political strife, getting hand sanitizer in my eyes when I’d go to wipe away my tears), there was one thing that always made my day just a little better: the dining hall desserts.
When I see people going out to the bars, I find myself wondering if they’re warm enough, and last weekend, I audibly said, “Sheesh, my back could not take those heels, I need more support!” to an unassuming freshman clearly just trying to enjoy her night in some killer 5-inch stilettos.
To help you avoid stress from the rest of your way through Miami, here is a complete list of everything you need to know to make sure you graduate.
Family weekend can be scary, but with some of these tips, hopefully you can survive with minimal trauma.
Just your run-of-the-mill headlines!
Have you spent the past few weeks lying awake in your twin XL bed wondering if you peaked in high school? Asking yourself why the girls in your hall aren’t on their knees begging to wait 30 minutes for dining hall pizza with you? Never fear: after spending weeks undercover in the class of 2025, I have collected all the tips and tricks necessary to become the coolest freshman on campus.
Yeah, breakups are hard, but interactions with exes can be fun, right?
Though I have no friends, I have been at Miami for about two years now. Looking at some other types of people on campus, here is my best estimation of their daily lives.
Dear Ohio Weather, I’m writing to tell you that I’m afraid we are through. I cannot bear to have my heart toyed with any longer.
As my freshman year ends, I become a sophomore, or a “wise fool.” Allow me to impart some of my newfound wisdom.