The origin story of Miami’s Pink Eye endemic remained mysterious until now. Pink Eye wreaked more havoc on Miami’s campus than COVID ever did and its story deserves to be told.
Can you tell which headlines are factual?
If you are one of those losers who never saw “Cars” as a child, don’t bother reading this article.
Despite all of the unpleasantries that my tumultuous freshman year at Miami entailed (online classes, political strife, getting hand sanitizer in my eyes when I’d go to wipe away my tears), there was one thing that always made my day just a little better: the dining hall desserts.
When I see people going out to the bars, I find myself wondering if they’re warm enough, and last weekend, I audibly said, “Sheesh, my back could not take those heels, I need more support!” to an unassuming freshman clearly just trying to enjoy her night in some killer 5-inch stilettos.
To help you avoid stress from the rest of your way through Miami, here is a complete list of everything you need to know to make sure you graduate.
Family weekend can be scary, but with some of these tips, hopefully you can survive with minimal trauma.
Just your run-of-the-mill headlines!
Have you spent the past few weeks lying awake in your twin XL bed wondering if you peaked in high school? Asking yourself why the girls in your hall aren’t on their knees begging to wait 30 minutes for dining hall pizza with you? Never fear: after spending weeks undercover in the class of 2025, I have collected all the tips and tricks necessary to become the coolest freshman on campus.
Yeah, breakups are hard, but interactions with exes can be fun, right?
Though I have no friends, I have been at Miami for about two years now. Looking at some other types of people on campus, here is my best estimation of their daily lives.
Dear Ohio Weather, I’m writing to tell you that I’m afraid we are through. I cannot bear to have my heart toyed with any longer.
As my freshman year ends, I become a sophomore, or a “wise fool.” Allow me to impart some of my newfound wisdom.
As I face my final month at Miami, I must make my parting goodbyes to the university that now has my entire life savings.
As the honey bee population in the United States continues to decline, biologist Dr. Bob Anderson believes the answer to the mystery may lie in a well-loved childhood game. In a recent journal article, Dr. Anderson stated the most likely cause of the pollinator’s disappearance is a spirited game of hide-and-go-seek.
According to the World Health Organization, most humans require at least 10 hugs a day to function normally. However, COVID-19 isolation protocols make it near impossible for people to fulfill their daily hug intake.
A blue and white patterned statue that kind of looks like a big ol’ ding-a-ling on Miami’s North Quad has sparked speculation about its meaning on Oxford campus.
I’m sure you’ve all felt it. As we near a year of pandemic living, we’re feeling a little crazy. Even the most level-headed among us aren’t immune to this sentiment; case-in-point, many newspapers have recently had to pull some of Jeanne “Dear Abby” Phillips’ columns for what they have called “frankly bonkers” advice. But here at The Miami Student, we have managed to gain access to one of these pulled columns and published it here for your entertainment.
The traditions at Miami confuse me. To make them better, I encourage His Highness, Mr. Greg Crawford, to read carefully through my suggested edits to current Miami traditions and decide which of these options to implement in his next agenda as his current agenda of creating a diverse and inclusive environment is failing.