Established 1826 — Oldest College Newspaper West of the Alleghenies

Mini Headline Dump

Hell is Real People Cancel Thanksgiving Claiming “ALL TURKEYS GO TO HELL”

Miami Registration System Once Again Leads To Increase in Anxiety and Fear in Students

Opinion: Ohio University is A Wannabe Miami University 

Student Counseling Services Offers OU Hate Week Workshops For Students to Destress

Zach Wilson Slides into Gisele Brady’s DMs Minutes After Divorce Papers With Tom Brady Are Filed

Undercover Meth Labs At An All Time Due to Record Number of Breaking Bad Halloween Costumes

BREAKING: The Miami Merger Stat You Were Told In Your Miami Tour is Fake

New Study Shows: Size Does Not Matter; Hundreds Relieved

Turkeys Take Up Arms Ahead of Holidays; Fights Have Broken Out All Over Farms

Man in 6 Year Long Coma Awoken After Hearing Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas

Woman Drowns in Too Many “Grateful”-Themed Throw Pillows Purchased from TJ Maxx

Professor Shaves Head, Is Told That Greg Crawford Halloween Costume Is “Too Late”

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Resurgence of Pink Feathered Cowboy Hats Means Bad News for Flamingos

“Where Is The Snow?” Asks Out-of-State Student Who Definitely Doesn’t Know Anything About Snow

Students Seeking French Cuisine on Campus Protest “Eiffel” Actually Being a Pizza Place