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What does AI think about Miami?

If any of you have ever turned to AI for help coming up with ideas to write for a paper, then you know exactly what I tried to do for this article. I got some of the results, and I realized… Why not just see what AI thinks is funny about Miami University? So the following headlines are humor article suggestions by Co-Pilot, Chat GPT and Grok relevant to Miami, followed by a touch of commentary from yours truly.

Microsoft Co-Pilot 

“The Miami seal: A guide to avoiding accidental kisses”

Whoa whoa whoa! Accidental kisses?!?! I’ve gotta start spending more time by the seal, I guess…

“Armstrong Student Center or Miami’s Vegas Strip?”

First, Co-Pilot fully supports the nickname of OxVegas! Personally, I love it, but Armstrong is not the place I would’ve considered to be the heart and soul of OxVegas. But hey, if I can gamble while waiting on my Panera order, you won’t hear any complaints from me!

“How to survive the walk of shame … from kipper’s”

First of all… anyone who spends the night at Skipper’s is on a different level. I didn’t realize that overnight stays were an option. Look, if you manage to spend the entire night at Skipper’s, I think you’re more than capable of surviving any ensuing walk of shame. 

Chat GPT

“University debuts new ‘Snow Day’ policy: Just pretend it’s summer”

President Gregory Crawford, even Chat GPT has caught wind of our denial of the existence of snow days! Now, unless you want to be known as THE Snow Day/Science denier, just throw us one (or five) this next winter.

“Incoming freshman thinks ‘Green Beer Day’ is environmental holiday, uickly learns otherwise”

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Don’t tell me you can’t imagine those Eco-reps water bottles making an appearance at GBD. I mean come on, a green container for fluid AND green fluid, it’s a GBD miracle! 

“Study finds 94% of students have texted ‘u up?’ within 500 feet of Brick Street”

…this one isn’t a satire … Chat GPT knows us too well…

Grok

"The Great Squirrel Heist: Why Miami's squirrels are plotting a nut revolution"

Pause. OK, resume. I’ve known the squirrels have been up to something for a while now, kinda nutty that they're plotting a revolution via a heist, though. 

"The seal superstition: Why stepping on the hub seal dooms your love life"

Ohhhhh, this explains it. Y’all stepping on the seal doesn’t make you fail your next exam, It makes you fail at relationships! 

"The Goggin Ice Arena conspiracy: Why the zamboni is the real campus MVP"

Is this even a conspiracy?  The zamboni is this campus’s Majestic Vehicle of Perfection.  

patteemj@miamioh.edu 

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