The weather is getting warmer, people in swimsuits have monopolized Cook field and, of course, Miami’s course list sits open and looming.
As a first-year who barely survived my first round of scheduling, I can think of no person better suited to giving out advice. Follow this blindly, my dear reader, as nobody knows better.
Fake a peanut allergy
While it would be difficult to fake seniority, honor’s college status or student-athleteness, who in their right mind is going to test you on a peanut allergy?
If you’re really worried about getting fact-checked, just double down and say it’s extra bad, so much so that if you even see a peanut, you’ll die. That way the blood is on their hands for even testing you.
Boom. Get the cream of the crop on classes, and all it costs is the ability to eat a Reese’s in public.
Survey the lands
What better way to get an entirely accurate, non-biased scope of the faculty and classes on campus than to consult anonymous sources through YikYak.
Though if you’re growing sick of sifting through fraternity rankings and roommate complaints (genuinely, how does over half of the student population here absolutely despise the people they live with?) I recommend hitting up the good old fashioned gem: Ratemyprofessor.com.
There, you can find a variety of truthful, reliable reviews of professors, definitely not written solely by people who failed the class.
Don’t stress about time
They say the early bird gets the worm, but frankly, who wants to be a bird? There’s plenty of classes available, and the best way to get into them is to get good sleep the night before you schedule.
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I recommend not even setting your alarm the night before your time ticket to schedule. Your body will, without a doubt, wake you up well-rested, right as the clock hits 8 a.m.
Speaking of 8 a.m., make sure you schedule an early morning class every day of the week, especially Friday. It gets you up and moving — no bed rotting to start your day — and you’ll be done with classes sooner. That way you’ll be first in line for Chick-fil-A, and only have to wait one hour for your food, as opposed to the regular three.
And that’s my advice, dear reader. With these handy tips and tricks, there’s no way you’ll miss out on a spot in that fancy underwater basket-weaving class we’re all vying for.
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