Established 1826 — Oldest College Newspaper West of the Alleghenies

Just another headline dump

Humor editors break record long streak of not having a headline dump; no one notices

Another Valentine’s Day has come and gone; humor editors still single

St. Patrick’s Day is around the corner, time to harvest my potatoes

Farmer student facing unemployment after dad retires from J.P. Morgan

FACT: On campus dining options got so much better after I moved off campus

New Apple goggles sweeping the nation; my mom still won’t buy me one

FACT: Men who go to the gym regularly cry in the shower after making eye contact with women

As Women’s History Month begins, Bass Pro Shops, Home Depot and Ace Hardware stockpile ear-plugs 

McDonald’s faces lawsuits as Shamrock Shakes proven not to be the official drink of choice for leprechauns

Pledging first-year boys conveniently “felt like cleaning the entire frat house” prior to inspection

Humor writers try to write a political joke, editors inform them that they will be replaced by an ad again in next week’s edition

Sliced vegetable supply increases in university dining halls as “Get to the choppa!” rings across campus

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The only thing Rocky-er than this headline dump is my party-to-school balance

Syllabus week has been over for weeks and so has my will to get out of bed

The weather is improving, my GPA is not (it’s very concerning)

Humor staff volunteers writer for Rocky VII; Stallone scoffs

Students line the streets to get a glimpse of Stallone; what else will we waste our time with?

Stallone and Tyson to come out of retirement because Crawford asked nicely