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Not so accurate student org descriptions, part two

Last September, I wrote an article about student organizations to join. But a new year means a new chance to choose student organizations. Here are the ones to join.

Break out of Miami 

Ever wondered why you always see the same person walking to class every day? This is because they have nowhere to go. 

We are all trapped inside a mega-prison disguised as Miami University in which we can only leave during holidays. All those deer you see are robots planted by the prison guards or “grounds carepeople” to hypnotize you into not trying to escape. If you see a deer, stay away!  

All that propaganda “teachers” (also prison guards) are “teaching you” actually serves as the prison’s brainwashing technique, tricking you into thinking you aren’t imprisoned.

 Join this club to help break out of Miami. 

Bridges International 

This organization aims at building a land bridge between Southeast Asia and the western United States. So far, every prototype has been destroyed by wild ferrets, but this won’t stop this tenacious group! Open to all majors except computer science. 

Department of Magical Appreciation

No, this is not a Harry Potter club. Wanna see a magic trick? In case you didn't know, magic tricks are the ultimate way to find your new partner. After one meeting with this organization, you will be an absolute “rizz”-ard. Try out your newfound tricks Uptown at your own risk.

Green Oxford

Oxford has a building problem. All the buildings need to be painted green. Brick Street? Would be way better green. Roads? Green like grass. This way, deer will hop on the road, and the cars can fix the deer problem. 

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IGNITE Women in Politics

While this organization promotes women in politics, it also advocates for female politicians to IGNITE (wink, wink) all opposition. Ladies, it’s time to take drastic action. Experience in second and third-degree arson preferred. 

Just Duet

This acapella group is dedicated to singing the Shia LaBeouf “Just do it!” speech in various tones and languages, all while performing an interpretive dance routine. 

Miami Marauders

Ever seen a dorm room trashed? Belongings ever missing? Look no further. That was the Miami Marauders. This organization focuses on pillaging and raiding buildings across campus, from dorm rooms to dining halls to academic buildings. 

Unfortunately, Miami University installed extra security cameras everywhere thanks to the Marauders’ efforts, but that doesn’t stop members. Pirating experience helps the cause. Please join!

Alpha Sigma Fraternity


Any Business Fraternity

These are just like social fraternities, but with girls! And resumes.