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Not So Accurate Student Organization Descriptions

Miami University takes pride in the many unique student organizations it has to offer. If you are interested in getting involved with some of these organizations, read some of the club descriptions so you can get involved.

Pharmacy Club

Why buy your prescriptions at the pharmacy when you can get them for free from the Pharmacy Club? 

By no means is this organization legal but we can get you your drugs for little to no cost! 

Pharmacy club holds bi-weekly meetings. On Monday’s we discuss pharmaceutical drugs and their positive side effects. On Thursdays we provide students with drugs that will take them on trips to the moon and back! Open to all majors!

Pickleball Club

Pickleball is spreading around the country and Miami’s campus like wildfire. 

Open to those of all ages and skill levels, Pickleball Club aims to equip its members with the necessary skills to dominate in Pickleball tournaments at your future retirement home.  

Our practices are at The Knolls of Oxford Nursing Home every Sunday from 6-7AM. Practices are followed by donuts and coffee at the nursing home. 

Please email gertrude.pickle.beast@yahoo.com to join!

Striders Running Club

The Striders Running Club promotes water strider awareness by running around campus doing their best water strider impressions. If you see someone sliding or striding around campus while drenched in water, you know they are part of the Striders. 

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Water Striders play an incredibly important role in maintaining the cleanliness of water here in Oxford. 

The water striders remove acid from Oxford’s water sources for free! 

Ever wondered why bottled water here is two bucks? It's because the COVID Response Team possesses a monopoly on the Oxford water trade and purifies the acid from the water themselves. This makes water prices 97.3% more expensive than it should be.

 By promoting water strideness awareness we can increase the water strider population and make Oxford water less expensive and taste better.

College Republicans

Let’s Go Brandon! 

College Democrats

Tax the rich to pay for school.

Students for Life

College can be the best time of your life for many students. If you don’t want that to end, look no further. 

You have stumbled across an organization that dedicates themselves to making sure you never graduate. We meet twice a week 11:40 a.m. - 1 p.m. at Brick Street where we discuss class skipping tactics, how to fail tests, when and when not to go Uptown and finessing the system. Our current club president has been at Miami for over 40 Years! 

If you want to be a Student for Life email us at students4life@miamioh.edu 

The Miami Student

Remember “The Guy” from Spy Kids 3? Or “The One” from the Matrix? Or any “Chosen One” from your favorite movie? 

Well, Miami University does in fact have a chosen one known as “The Miami Student.” 

The prophecy of The Miami Student predicts that “THE Miami Student” will overthrow the COVID Response Team and the oligarchy running Miami University hence bringing Newton and Ivy Crawford back to power. 

Our goal at TMS is to find “The Miami Student” and discuss ways in which we can support them in the revolution that is to come. We do not disclose where we meet as a safety precaution but if you are interested in joining, pull the fire alarm in Armstrong and we will find you.

Associated Student Government

We request funds for cool merch and pass laws that don’t do anything. Other than that we have no power. Being in ASG looks good on your resume though! Show up at our cult chamber to join!

Code Red

We all know that the Soviet Union still exists and that KGB spies run rampant on campus. 

Ever wonder why dining hall food makes everyone poop all the time? Or why Miami’s colors are red? And even more mysterious, why vegetarian food options across campus are going missing? 

The only explanation is communists. 

The KGB aims to starve out students at Miami and take over Oxford. Code Red aims to expose all the hidden “reds” and restore peace back on campus. Are you ready to take the oath against communism and fight for your university? If so, visit Dr. Stephen Norris in Upham Hall to get involved. 

After reading these descriptions, you would be a fool not to join a student organization. 

john1595@miamioh.edu


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