Established 1826 — Oldest College Newspaper West of the Alleghenies

Headline Dump

Amount of Disc Golfers Inhabiting Oxford Sparks Controversy Among Community

Miami’s COVID-19 Response Team Threatens Mask Mandate To Overthrow the Oligarchy Running Miami University

Opinion: Mentally Unstable People Make the Best Music

Opinion: Nobody Cares That You Went to Lollapalooza

Freshman Boy Sacrificed by Cult Dedicated to Worshiping the Crawford’s Golden Retrievers 

SLAM Majors Are Found to Be the Most Attractive Majors

Why You Shouldn’t Drunk Text the Girl You Like

Joe Biden Admits to Taking Bike Lessons After His Disastrous Fall

Pre-Med Student Swallows AirPod Confusing It For Her Antibiotic 

Lululemon Plans On Opening a Store In Oxford, Costs Less to Have A Store Than Ship Thousands of Packages to Miami

2022 Rise in Heartbreaks Leads to a 10% Increase In Gym Bros

Horse Girl Confused When She’s Told Riding Horses is “An Instant Red Flag”

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Going to Country Concerts in the Summer and Posting About It On Instagram Now Means You Are Cool

Tips on How to Get Sent Home From Your Own Family Vacation

King Library Librarian Admits to Using the Library as a Front For Her Drug Cartel

Russian History Professor Attacks Taxidermy Bear in Upham after Mistaking it for a Soviet Spy

Opinion: Drinking Celcius Doesn’t Make You Healthy

Breaking: Monkeypox found in 93% of Frat Basements

87 Year Old Leads Riot in Response to Hazardous Working Conditions in The Oxford Knolls Nursing Home

Russia and Ukraine Reach Peaceful Settlement; Sources say “It is Because of White Women’s Instagram Posts”