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Opinion | We must serve by listening

Christine Barilleaux, barillc@muohio.edu

I appreciated The Miami Student's April 22 update on the chilling story of Rob Tammen, the Miami University student who disappeared in 1953. Since I first read about it several years ago, the whole thing has always struck me as eerie and bizarre and leaves me wondering what possessed Tammen to disappear from life the way he did. What I find very disturbing is the fact that this young man appeared to be a completely normal college student — he was active on campus, pledged a fraternity, played in the Campus Owls and so forth. He certainly did not seem like some marginalized member of the student body, and as the article indicates, he was well-liked by friends and classmates.

Nobody knows if Tammen's disappearance was suicide or otherwise or exactly where he went or why. Furthermore, the hours and minutes leading up to his disappearance seemed nothing other than normal to the people who last saw him. He was apparently going to his room to study for a history exam and gave no indication of leaving. However, what struck me from the story was the idea that he left because he was struggling with some kind of personal issues. While we still do not know whether this was the case or not, its possibility reminded me of another event, recent and equally (or more) chilling.

Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi, an aspiring violinist, committed suicide by jumping from the George Washington Bridge in September 2010. Clementi was homosexual, driven to despair when his roommate posted a video online of him kissing another man. The pain, anguish and betrayal he felt drove him to take his own life by drowning himself in the Hudson River.

While these two incidences are unrelated, their implications are pertinent to all of us. There are a great number of people in our midst who struggle with personal difficulties, emotional problems, mental disorders and the like. We may be completely unaware of them because these people appear "normal," but the truth is, even our closest friends could be struggling with depression, personality disorders, loneliness, etcetera, that they do not wish to reveal to anyone. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 26.2 percent of U.S. adults suffer from some type of mental disorder in a 12-month prevalence, while 46 percent of U.S. adults will experience some type of mental disorder during their lifetime. That's huge and the numbers only indicate reported cases.

A statement on the bathroom wall of Kofenya put it so eloquently: "Be kind to everyone, for they are all fighting a hard battle." The more people I get to know, the more I see that everyone struggles with something. One of the ironies I have noticed in college is that people are usually very willing to help with a service project, fundraising or philanthropy event (which is great!), but they sometimes overlook the person next to them who is in need. Granted, most of us don't have to worry about food, water, sanitation, clothing or shelter, and of course we have an obligation to help those who lack those things. However, we are also obliged to serve of the mental and emotional needs or our friends and colleagues in what ways we can. This means being a good listener as well as knowing when to give a person space and alone-time. This can actually be difficult and time-consuming, as it requires being sensitive and attuned to people on a more abstract level. Saying a kind word goes a long way, but I think we need to be doing more than that. I am talking about answering the friend who calls late at night because she is lonely and sitting with the guy who comes to your door because he needs to "talk it out" with someone. Some of us can have a far greater impact on the world by serving those in our immediate vicinities. Sincere attention and caring we give to others can do more good for the world than we will ever know.