Avoidance is comfort; avoidance is death

One thousand days. From move-in day to graduation, you have roughly 1,000 days at Miami University. Maybe a bit more or a bit less depending on your own journey, but still, that’s not a lot of time.

You have 1,000 days to build friendships, go on spontaneous adventures and figure out who you want to be. You have 1,000 days to appreciate the beauty of Miami’s campus, to walk among the red-brick buildings, knowing you are a living and active part of this grand university.

When I walk around campus, I deliberately try to soak it all in, focusing on the fact that one day, this will all be just a memory, something I won’t be able to come back to.

It makes me think about all my choices, especially when I choose to stay in, to not hang out, to not put myself out there. But ever since I saw the 2008 comedy “Yes Man,” I’ve wondered, how many “what-ifs” will I never be able to answer because of my inaction?

In the movie, Jim Carrey plays Carl Allen, an ordinary man with a monotonous life who automatically says “no” to every invitation. Every new opportunity is reflexively refused out of habit, not by conscious choice.

His trajectory flips when he commits to saying “yes” to literally every opportunity that comes his way, no matter what. The movie’s premise is absurdly exaggerated for comedic effect, but the underlying message held up a mirror to my own habits.

The importance of saying “yes” seems like common sense, but many of us subconsciously resist it, even despite our intellectual assent to it.

In his book “Thinking, Fast and Slow,” world-renowned psychologist Daniel Kahneman described System 1 thinking as a cognitive mode that “operates automatically and quickly, with little or no effort and no sense of voluntary control.” Simply put, it’s our instinctive response. System 1 isn’t always wrong, but there’s an issue when that automatic response becomes an unquestioned habit.

I’ve caught myself waiting for the right time to do something, only for that moment to never come as the opportunity slips away. I’ve been a spectator of others’ adventures, instead of being a participant in my own. I’ve chosen the path of perfect safety over risk-taking, and I’ll never know what could’ve been.

If we keep surrendering to automatic avoidance, days of inaction will turn into months, which will turn into years. Our time in college will pass, and we won’t have much to show for it. A 2017 study of Japanese university students published in Psychological Reports found that more of this behavioral avoidance predicted more depressive symptoms over time.

Would I rather risk being awkward or wake up years later with regret? I don’t want to watch the people around me build their lives while I remain stagnant, letting once-in-a-lifetime opportunities pass me by, never to return again.

The butterfly effect is a useful metaphor here. In chaos theory, it describes how small changes can set off huge, unpredictable chain reactions down the line. In the moment, a “yes” to a spontaneous conversation may seem small, but it can open a door that otherwise would’ve never been opened. Not every choice will be life-changing, and no one can foresee which choices will matter most. Answering “yes” is the only way to find out.

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Now, the meaning of life isn’t to accumulate as many experiences as possible. Life isn’t a game in pursuit of fulfilling bucket-list items; that sort of hedonistic thinking is also wrong. We shouldn't act imprudently, but we shouldn’t cower from the world either.

At the end of my first semester in college, I was presented with the opportunity to travel to Washington, D.C., with a club I recently joined. My first instinct was to say “no,” and I did initially.

But I thought about it more, and as the semester came to a close, I decided on a whim to go. I had never done something like this before, but it was so rewarding. I absolutely loved that trip and made so many good memories. I’m so glad I challenged my automatic response and answered life with a “yes.”

We should never let our fear decide our fate. Meeting failure, anxiety and embarrassment face-to-face is part of being fully alive, but so is meeting unexpected joy, lifelong relationships and worthwhile fulfillment.

So go out, take a chance and answer your “what-ifs” before your 1,000 days are up.

vanripjl@miamioh.edu

Jacob Van Riper is a senior double-majoring in business analytics and marketing and has minors in psychological science and graphic design. He's the marketing director for Miami's Catholic Newman Center, a senator for the Associated Student Government and host of Redhawk Radio’s metal and rock show, “Soul Wars.”