Celebrating 200 Years
HUMOR

My first semester recap

08/25/2025: First day of class

I don’t know what possessed me to schedule a Monday class at 9:05 a.m. I spent forty minutes wandering around, trying to figure out which red brick building was mine. When I finally made it inside, I panicked about where to sit. I chose dead center; close enough to make it look like I cared, but far enough away that the professor couldn’t learn my name.

08/31/2025: Mega fair

I woke up feeling like a new woman, so I dragged my roommate to Mega Fair with me. I apparently struggle telling people “no thanks,” so I left with about 37 map pens, my pockets filled with stickers, and what I believe was a legal agreement to join the competitive croquet team… oops. If anyone needs me, I’ll be training. Leave a message at the beep.

09/19/2025: Midterms

First college exam! I’ve been studying in King for three hours. I have highlighters. I have a plan. I am the moment.

09/21/2025: Regret

Ok, never mind. Don’t ask me how the exam went. In fact, just don’t talk to me at all. I can’t be perceived right now.

9/26/2025: What is this place?

Saw my hero today: the “moon landing is fake” guy. I wanted a selfie with him to post on YikYak, but I didn’t want to be accused of being a government-sent hologram or something. Also, what’s up with all the men having their toes out in flip flops? Take that behavior to the warmer Miami.

10/04/2025: The seal

My life flashed before my eyes. I almost stepped on it. The seal. I did a weird, parkour glitch thing to avoid it. I’m sure I looked very cool and not at all like a startled cat. I saw some people whispering afterward while looking at me, and could only assume they were discussing how awesome I am.

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10/22/2025: Alarm trouble

Well, it finally happened. My alarm failed me, but I refused to compromise my nonchalantness. Even though I left my dorm two minutes before lab started, I walked slowly to Hughes. Very demure. Sprinting to class would’ve suggested I cared about being on time, and I don’t believe in that.

11/14/2025: Dining hall

Found myself missing Mom and Dad’s chili, so I went to the dining hall in search of something fulfilling. I left, still starving, which is weird because I ate a completely valid dinner consisting of Corn Flakes and dry asparagus.

12/09/2025: Finals

I have lived at King for the entire day. And yeah, it might be 12 degrees outside, but best believe I’m still clutching my iced coffee from Starbucks. I spent the whole time studying hard… aka calculating the lowest grade I could receive on my finals to not be put on academic probation. At least they can’t kick freshmen out. 

1/25/2026: I’m back

Against all odds, I survived my first semester. I have returned for semester two, older and wiser and still very much unsure of where my classes are.

rappcr2@miamioh.edu

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