If you’re anything like me, you were probably shocked to find out that this week is Valentine’s Day. Luckily, I’m the most romantic man ever, so I already have a killer day planned for me and my valentine (she goes to another school, you wouldn’t know her, so don’t ask). For those of you who are still thinking about what you should do with that special someone, I have some recommendations for things you can do on campus.
Option 1: Spooky Festivities in the Emerson Basement
A little stereotypical, but still a great option. For those of you who live under a rock, Emerson is notorious for encouraging couples (or random people, I don’t know what you people do) to um… express their love. Not only would this be a fantastic educational experience (who doesn’t love expanding their knowledge with the huzz). I’m sure your special someone’s dream date is an in-depth lesson on human anatomy. Plus, your mom would be thrilled to hear that this is what you’re planning for Valentine’s Day.
Option 2: Fine Dining at Western Dining Commons
Everyone knows that the best dining establishment in Southwest Ohio resides near Havghanistan. Before telling your date where you are going, be sure to mention that you are going to a premium buffet featuring surf and turf and a “functional” ice cream machine. The buffet is the perfect option, as both of you will be able to get food poisoning in whatever form suits you best. If you want your illness to come through undercooked chicken, then be my guest. If your date prefers to contract an illness via the “steak,” then they can go on ahead. Then, once your date inevitably goes poorly, you both will have an excuse as to why you need to leave (spending some time on the thinking stool).
Option 3: Tell your Valentine they need to visit the Rec
Nothing would make your special someone happier than telling them they should visit the Rec more often (make sure you explicitly say they’ve been getting chunky). And, for Valentine’s Day, you should help them start their fitness journey. Nothing says romance like doing some cardio together (on a treadmill, you weirdo). The other benefit of this option is that you can buy your Valentine something productive. Who needs flowers and candy when you can have three personal training sessions and a pilates class. You and your partner will be looking snatched for spring break in no time.
There you have it - three iconic dates straight from the love whisperer. If you’re interested in any further advice, I’m starting a new side hustle as a relationship counselor. My first piece of advice - always offer solutions, never listen to what your partner is yapping about. Anyway, if you’d like to make an appointment, you can reach me at:
oviattcc@miamioh.edu
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