It feels so strange to think that nowadays, students walk into class not carrying a huge stainless steel mug of coffee — the kind that could double as a small fish tank — but a colorful mix of energy drink cans. Grape, strawberry, orange, blueberry, blackberry, lemon… I half expect someone to show up with “unicorn-flavored” or “glitter explosion” energy drinks next, even though I wouldn’t be surprised if they already exist. Meanwhile, coffee just sits there, bitter and stubborn, tasting… well, like coffee. Sometimes weak — the dreaded “coffee-tea” — sometimes strong enough to make your soul quiver. No one ever seems to get the flavor just right.
Sure, coffee can be dressed up with milk, sugar, whipped cream, syrup, caramel drizzle or maybe even a dab of unicorn tears. But it surprises me that in the U.S., where we drink coffee by the gallons, most people still can’t handle more than two shots of espresso unless it’s buried under a mountain of milk and sugar. Energy drinks, on the other hand, come in a convenient can. One satisfying “psst” when you open it, and BOOM; it’s instant, pre-flavored energy. No measuring, no milk, no heartbreak when it’s too strong or too weak. Just pick a flavor and let your taste buds ride the fruity rollercoaster — though, honestly, many of these drinks taste like medicine.
Are today’s students too weak to handle the bitterness of coffee, the kind my professor once said, “is like life itself?” Or were we, the coffee-obsessed generation, fools for loving a drink with fewer flavors, tricky preparation and extra steps to get it right?
I honestly don’t know which drink would win this caffeine battle. All I know is that whenever I see a student walk into class with a tiny aluminum can of neon liquid, I either think, “Really? That’s your caffeine?” or mutter, “Coffee would still be better if you just tried it.”
Once upon a time, we were addicted to coffee the way today’s students are addicted to whatever grape-orange-blueberry drink is trending. And I can’t help but wonder: If this continues, will coffee shops become energy drink boutiques, complete with flavor flights and tiny umbrellas in every can?
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