For those of you who are not inclined, whenever the humor editor needs to create content quickly, we write a headline dump. A headline dump is a series of mock headlines based on the happenings around campus. Because my tenure has been so successful, we have not needed a headline dump. Fortunately for you all, the need for a headline dump has returned. Enjoy.
Miami students announce they’ve “never been so back,” despite knowing they will be tired of school in 3 weeks
Miami Parents Facebook page sees record number of posts as mothers everywhere question whether their children will survive a snowstorm
City of Oxford improves revenues as they dish out a boatload of fines to lazy landlords who didn’t clear their sidewalks
Parents protest at Roudebush Hall, demand tuition money back, call Miami ‘soft’ for cancelling classes in wake of Oxford receiving a foot of snow
Students protest at Roudebush Hall for being told they need to go to classes that they paid for, despite packing Brick Street and Millett Hall on back-to-back nights
Awareness that Miami has two basketball teams has reached 99% among students, despite 50% of students not knowing the programs existed before this year
Approval for new Millett Hall increases 15% after students start going to games, realize that improvements may be necessary
OPINION: Nobody cares about the fancy place you ‘studied abroad’ at over J-Term
Miami Rec Center sees record attendance, noise levels as gym bros grunt as loudly as possible in an effort to get crowds to disperse
Miami Athletics decides to act like the football team’s performance in the Snoop Dogg Arizona Bowl did not happen as students forget bowl game occurred over break
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