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New Year’s Resolutions for Miami students

New Year, New You? If you already gave up on your New Year’s resolutions, here are some more ideas for the most ambitious Miami students to work on this semester.

Use meal swipes instead of using all your declining dollars in the first 2  weeks back

Show up to your 8:30 classes

Go to class on Green Beer Day

Go to class … in general

Stay sober for more than one day in a row 

Pee in the bathroom instead of on the Sundial turtles

Water the sidewalks so the sprinklers don’t have to 

Eat the food you made at home instead of paying for an overpriced bagel 

Ladies — walk home instead of laying on the ground when you are drunk

Gentlemen — stop pouring beers down your pants

Athletes —Listen to Kendrick Lamar when he says, “Sit Down. Be Humble.”

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Go to church (of Chanks)

Trim the bushes on campus instead of jumping in them

No caffeine after 10 p.m. because you do need to sleep

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