With the coming of Halloween only days away, it is only fitting that the scariest places on Miami’s campus are identified. You need to know the locations to avoid when the goblins and ghouls come out to play.
Any Fraternity Basement
Fraternity basements are the place of nightmares. Once you enter a frat basement, you rarely come out with all your senses intact.
The darkness throws off your sense of sight, making it nearly impossible to see the person next to you or the alcoholic poison that seeps into your brain.
Sweat and boozed caked floors stick to the feet of anyone who dares step foot inside. The stickiness aims to slow one down and make the escape from the brother trying to add your Snapchat even more difficult.
Furthermore, fraternity basements are filled with all kinds of creepy crawlies that never see the light of day. Reports from numerous sources claim that bird flu, pink eye, and even deadly COVID-19 strains originated in frat basements.
Visit a fraternity basement for one of the scariest experiences on Miami’s campus.
Office of Community Standards
If you are sent to a hearing at the Office of Community Standards, you committed some kind of action that was not very Love and Honor of you. Very Scary.
Community Standards will dole out a torturous punishment to compel you to be more Love and Honor again. Also, Very Scary.
Caught drinking in your room? Time for you to attend a class about the dangers of drinking. Scream.
Cheated on a test? Now you are on academic probation. Gasp.
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Caught knocking down an exit sign? Funny, but you still get a $200 fine. Zoinks.
Moral of the story? Adhere better to the Code of Love and Honor or Community Standards will hunt you down.
The food on this campus sucks.
There may be nothing scarier than having to go to a dining hall and eat food that you know will make you shit your guts out in less than an hour.
But what makes each dining hall scary is the people that eat there.
At Martin Dining Hall, athletes all wearing the same Miami sweatshirt and riding around on scooters inhabit the premises.
Western has Honors College kids.
Garden has Farmer boys.
Most frightening of all, Maplestreet feeds the hordes of sorority girls from sorority quad.
Miami needs a way to make dining halls less scary.
As an avid gym goer, I do not find the Rec to be scary. However, for someone new to going jim being an outsider can be very intimidating.
Gym rats cracked out on pre-workout are basically climbing over the weight machines, grunting wildly like the animals they are.
Biceps the size of small children pour out of fraternity cut off shirts all while testosterone can be smelled in the air.
Cardio junkies in their Lululemon spandex run rampant on the treadmills, stair machines, and ellipticals on the first floor.
If you are not scared or overstimulated by the description I just gave, you are a gym rat like me.
College Republicans/College Democrats Office Shared Space
Need I even elaborate?