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Stereotypical Brands of a Miami Student

Many of you are probably like me and wear some of these stereotypical brands wherever you may be on campus. Everyone loves a good pair of Lululemon leggings or GymShark shorts, right? If you will be offended by being called a stereotypical Miami student, don’t continue reading. 

GymShark

A relative newcomer to the Miami clothing scene, gym hardos sport GymShark at Miami’s dilapidated fitness center while benching one rep of 300 pounds or to class at the Farmer Castle of Business. If you hear an obnoxious grunt while visiting the Rec, simply turn your head to the mating call of a gym rat and you will see a beefcake wearing head-to-toe GymShark gear. 

The moment someone puts on GymShark, they crank their Beats headphones to max volume and start yelling what their split is to someone who probably doesn't care. Forget to read the warning label and somehow you will forget that normal human beings swing their arms when they walk. 

“Why does that guy keep flexing in the mirror?”..."Oh, he is wearing GymShark.”

Birkenstock

A favorite among fraternity boys at Miami, this Australian-based company produces some of the most versatile sandals your parents can buy. 

In the summer and winter you can comfortably sport these shoes with those nike swoosh ankle socks that were white before you wore them to Brick Street. 

Walker’s in Uptown Oxford likely brings in mucho dinero selling Birkenstocks to the Miami’s ELITE upper-class.

Follow someone wearing this socks and sandals combo in order to find the nearest fraternity.

The North Face

Easily the most popular backpack brand on campus, The North Face creates products fit for scaling 14,000 foot peaks or for the student gasping for breath as they ascend the mountain beginning at academic quad and finishing at Chipotle on High Street. 

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Students at Miami choose this backpack as their companion due its unrivaled ability to hide alcohol purchased from The Den. North Face backpacks appear to be full of textbooks when in reality, this feature enables you to bring in copious amounts of alcohol into your residence, virtually undetected. 

The relationship of Miami students and North Face backpacks rivals that of Dora and her incredible, singing backpack.

Canada Goose

Clearly, Canada Goose jackets were at the top of many Miami students’ Christmas this year and Santa came in the clutch. 

Upon returning from J-Term, I could look in any direction to see someone looking toasty warm in a Canada Goose winter parka while I froze in shorts and a sweatshirt. Why anyone wants a coat that costs the same as a tuition payment is beyond me, but I do know that many valiant geese died so that Miami students could stay warm. 

Let’s take a moment and remember the many fallen geese who died so that we may be warm during Ohio’s frigid winters. 

Bagel and Deli

Are you blonde? In a sorority? Do you wear oversized sweatshirts with leggings? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you likely are the proud owner of one of those infamous Bagel and Deli sweatshirts. Reportedly, a Miami tour guide saw over 31 students wearing these sweatshirts during one of her 90 minute tours. 

If you answered yes to all of these questions, then you probably own the pink version and are wearing it right now, regardless of the fact that 75 degree heat radiates down upon us. 

This sweatshirt pays homage to a band nearly as iconic as Oxford’s most beloved drunk food spot and has found a happy home among many of Miami’s students. 

Lululemon

I would remiss not to mention Lululemon on this list. Lululemon easily wins the title of most stereotypical brand on Miami’s campus. The amount of money that has been spent on Lululemon apparel at Miami rivals the amount of my tuition money funneled into FSB.

What’s the secret to those high waisted leggings being so comfortable? Obviously, the little logo adds to the supreme comfort of those incredibly unique leggings. Leggings that look exactly the same, are one-third of the price, yet do not have that logo prove to not be nearly as comfortable. 

Furthermore, I have heard from an anonymous source that Lulu harvests the souls of dying lemons in order to masterfully craft such an incredibly soft material. Oxford desperately needs a Lululemon store in order to better serve the students at Miami University. 

Click here to sign a petition to make this happen!

While this list may not be comprehensive, it definitely covers some of the most stereotypical. 

john1595@miamioh.edu

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