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Freshman Learning Curve

As my freshman year ends, I become a sophomore, or a “wise fool.” Allow me to impart some of my newfound wisdom.

Do: Bring a winter coat to campus.

A couple newly admitted students might still think that we are the University of Miami in Miami, Florida. I found out that we weren’t during the cold months of January and February when I had left my winter coat at home.

Don’t: Join a Fraternity/Sorority.

Why pay hundreds or thousands of dollars for friends when your imaginary ones are free and can never leave you – even if they wanted to.

Do: Check out King Library.

I never once studied at King, but it is an easily recognizable building where you can meet up with your friends before you hit the town to drink the memory of your first ever midterms away. 

Don’t: Get so drunk that RAs find you knocking on the dorm basement elevator.

A couple of you readers may think this is an oddly specific piece of advice. You’re right. But if it can happen to the best of us – and, yes, I’m the best of us – then it can happen to anyone. Just trust me on this one.

Do: Bring noise cancelling headphones.

The dorms have very thin walls. Say, hypothetically, your next door neighbor has a girlfriend who is over every night. And, hypothetically, they make sounds when you’re trying to study that leave little to be imagined, and … just bring noise cancelling headphones. 

Don’t: Leave popcorn in the microwave longer than suggested while you go poop.

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The popcorn will start smoking, and while you’re standing in shock and confusion, you will have to rely on your roommate’s quick thinking to open the window, door, and turn the fan on to keep the smoke alarms from activating. Oops.

Do: Make friends with your RA.

If you successfully befriend your RA, it could save you in particular situations like this one: You run into him in the hallway while you’re both bringing back “overnight guests,” while COVID protocols simultaneously ban overnight guests. 

Instead of him writing you up and you getting him fired, you can make awkward eye contact and go about your merry evening.

Don’t: Let stress cause you to sleepwalk and accidentally pee in your friend’s fridge.

Sure, the video of you unconsciously opening the fridge, dropping your pants to your ankles, and whizzing in a fridge is funny. But, having to clean your friend’s fridge and buy him new food the next day instead of studying for your final is not.

I hope you read this and learn from my mistakes. It took a couple of tries for me to learn some of these things. Hopefully, you won’t have to go through the same trial and error process I did. Good luck!