The statue is a work of art and this article is a work of satire.
A blue and white patterned statue that kind of looks like a big ol’ ding-a-ling on Miami’s North Quad has sparked speculation about its meaning on Oxford campus.
“Is it a dick after all? Or a dildo? Is it actually a sex positive message?” A senior women and gender studies major said. “Or is it just a big “fuck you” from Miami?”
Miami’s administration refused to comment on the cock-like structure it has installed in the ground for the foreseeable future or why it paid the equivalent of one semester’s tuition and room and board to install it on North Quad.
Miami’s art and art history departments also have no idea what’s up with the statue.
“It certainly alludes to phallic symbolism. I mean, just look at it,” an art professor said. “But that’s all we can tell.”
The artist, Hugh G. Rection, refused to be interviewed for this story.
His assistant responded via email that “Mr. Rection acknowledges that the statue could be interpreted as a phallic object, but trusts viewers of his art to interpret their own meaning.”
While Miami administrators did not comment on the statue, a Miami “Weekly Three” email asked fraternity members to stop drunkenly peeing on the statue and climbing it at night.
“Please refrain from this activity unless you are doing it in groups smaller than 10 people,” the email said.
The email did not describe how this new rule would be enforced, and failed to report that this is technically an act of public indecency that would normally be fined outside of Miami’s campus.
The purpose for placing the statue on North Quad, a popular area of dormitories for student athletes, Farmer School of Business (FSB) students and freshman living learning communities, is also unknown. One student athlete had a few theories about what the statue looked like.
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“It’s a baseball bat,” he said. “Or a cricket bat. It kinda reminds me of that field of corn on the cob in central Ohio, but it definitely doesn’t look like corn on the cob.”
A freshman in a living learning community also weighed in.
“Every time I pass it, it’s a reminder that capitalism fucks us over every day,” they said.
The business school refused to comment, though Miami specifically reached out to FSB alumni to donate to the project.
Students have also seen fraternity members try to climb up to the top and sit on it. One witness saw one frat brother succeed, though he smashed his gonads and caused irreparable damage to his ability to have children in the process.
“That’s one less future Kayleigh born to Miami Mergers,” the witness said.