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Miami's Finest: A Look Inside their Minds

I know that right now, we aren’t at Miami, so hopefully these profiles of students you would’ve run into will make you feel more at home. Take a walk inside the minds of fictional, stereotypical students you’re likely to meet while walking to class.

Pre-med guy, probably a Jack:

I may only be a freshman, but I’m a junior credit-wise, and people should know that. I’ll tell at least four students today. I’m worried about med school because I got an 89 percent on one assignment I did last week. The professor wouldn’t round up my grade, even after I sent him six emails and waited outside his office during his lunch, shouting to him that I am entitled to an A. I scheduled a mental breakdown for tonight. But I have homework, so I might push it back to this weekend. Oh, and I have a crippling addiction to Adderall.

English major, probably a Leah:

I’m vegan, and the culinary choices in Oxford simply aren’t cultured enough for my taste. Also, there is so much littering here that I want to vomit when I walk on the sidewalks, but I can’t because then it might get on my floor-length, whimsical skirt that informs the world that I’m unique and quirky. For Halloween next year, I am going to be a sexy Emily Bronte and really bask in the light of powerful feminism. Now, I must go write an insanely long and poetic Instagram caption, which in reality, could be summed up with two words: “I’m depressed.”

FSB guy, definitely a Grant, white:

My days are busy. I mean, yeah, I don’t have classes on Friday, and it is true that I haven’t had homework for more than a semester, and I will also admit that I will not need to study or work for the rest of my college career, but I’m busy. Aside from my work in my business frat, I also have work to do for my Greek frat. I have two sets of brothers counting on me! You don’t understand the pressure and stress I face everyday. And I have to go out every weekend to network with girls at Brick! Being a business major is hard. I think I’ll call my mom and complain. I love my mom.

Music Ed girl, probably a Jenny:

I just have this awareness that I’m in the most intense major on campus, but I will be at a band party every weekend in the fall, and I will be drunk at every single one. I might cut myself bangs next week. I’ve not been emotionally stable since Bernie Sanders dropped out of the presidential race. There’s a cute boy in Phi Mu Alpha. I met him at a band party. Sometimes I sit in the Presser lobby for hours just waiting for him to pass by. He hasn’t yet. 

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