Established 1826 — Oldest College Newspaper West of the Alleghenies

Humor


HUMOR

Hot Tips for College Freshmen

  Have you spent the past few weeks lying awake in your twin XL bed wondering if you peaked in high school? Asking yourself why the girls in your hall aren’t on their knees begging to wait 30 minutes for dining hall pizza with you?  Never fear: after spending weeks undercover in the class of 2025, I have collected all the tips and tricks necessary to become the coolest freshman on campus. 


HUMOR

A Day in the Life of My Heros

 Though I have no friends, I have been at Miami for about two years now. Looking at some other types of people on campus, here is my best estimation of their daily lives.  


HUMOR

Dear Ohio Weather

 Dear Ohio Weather, I’m writing to tell you that I’m afraid we are through. I cannot bear to have my heart toyed with any longer. 


HUMOR

Got Hugs?

 According to the World Health Organization, most humans require at least 10 hugs a day to function normally. However, COVID-19 isolation protocols make it near impossible for people to fulfill their daily hug intake.  


HUMOR

Woman’s Love-Life Ruined by Quarantine, Seeks Advice on How to Break Up

  I’m sure you’ve all felt it. As we near a year of pandemic living, we’re feeling a little crazy. Even the most level-headed among us aren’t immune to this sentiment; case-in-point, many newspapers have recently had to pull some of Jeanne “Dear Abby” Phillips’ columns for what they have called “frankly bonkers” advice. But here at The Miami Student, we have managed to gain access to one of these pulled columns and published it here for your entertainment.


HUMOR

Revamping Miami Traditions

 The traditions at Miami confuse me. To make them better, I encourage His Highness, Mr. Greg Crawford, to read carefully through my suggested edits to current Miami traditions and decide which of these options to implement in his next agenda as his current agenda of creating a diverse and inclusive environment is failing. 


HUMOR

What women really want

Valentine's Day is quickly approaching, and I’m here to tell you that women are so over the basic, gushy, lovey-dovey crap that goes on every year. As a woman myself (hold the applause), I feel not only inclined, but entitled to give you some tips and tricks for success in the upcoming season of love.   


HUMOR

Pot Pan sales hit record highs

The results of collegiate entrepreneurial ingenuity are blazing across Oxford. Cast-iron pans, skillets, dutch ovens and griddles TH-seasoned with rare Colorado oil are the hottest product on the block.  


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