Established 1826 — Oldest College Newspaper West of the Alleghenies
HUMOR

Why I decided to write for the humor section

To completely understand my desire to write for the humor section of The Miami Student, I have to give you some background information. If you’re wondering where my impeccable sense of humor came from, this article is for you. 

No talent, no problem

It all started when I realized I had no strong attributes. Smart people have big brains and hot people have jawlines. But funny people? All we need is an awareness that we have neither, then we can make a joke about it.  

In fact, my biggest achievement might’ve been in kindergarten when I got a gold star for not eating glue. I guess I peaked early in life.

As far as the upsides to having no talent go, I’m happy to have the capability to make a cute guy laugh … but then I remember it’s only because my face naturally does jump scares while storytelling. When you can’t charm people with symmetrical bone structure or intellect, you learn to adapt with humor.

(And to my parents, if you’re reading this, I know you only called your 6 year old daughter your pretty princess because ugly jokester would’ve earned you a visit from CPS).

Fame and fortune

Another major reason I joined the humor section was, obviously, because of the celebrity lifestyle I’ve acquired along with it. 

I constantly have the eight people who actually read the paper lining up to ask me, “Aren’t you that girl who made the joke about being average?” Why, yes. Yes, I am. Do you want my autograph, or should I just sign your forehead so you can get it tattooed?

It’s hard to not let the fame get to me, honestly. I can’t even sneeze in public without someone saying, “Bless you, my comedy Queen.” I try to stay humble, of course, which is why my friends book appointments to talk to me. 

It’s a heavy crown, but someone needs to wear it. Honestly, I wonder if I’ll ever live a normal life again.

Low stakes

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I didn’t join the humor section because I’m naturally hilarious. Though I probably could’ve. I mean, come on, how many times have you laughed already? (If it’s zero, just gaslight me.) 

I joined because my other options involved effort, intelligence and the ability to write with perfect sentence structure. None of which I have. Heck, my editor probably had to fix that sentence. And this one. And probably the next one too.

As a humor writer, I’m basically the clearance rack of the newspaper. What section sounds more enticing to write for than that? Sometimes I feel like a stand-up comedian, but then I remember my audience didn’t pay for a ticket to my show and they just want me to shut up.

The Need to Feel Important

I decided to write for the humor section, not because I’m especially funny, but because life seems to find me funny. If I were relevant enough to receive a senior superlative in high school, I probably would’ve been given “Most likely to just be there.” 

After all, I am currently writing this paper at 10 p.m. on a Friday night instead of being out drinking with the normal folk.

rappcr2@miamioh.edu

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