If you struggle with small talk (as I do), going into office hours can be intimidating. But, as my boomer grandparents told me, the easiest way to get an A is to walk right into the professor's office and demand it. So, I make it a point to introduce myself to all of my professors who teach classes in which I want to earn an A. And while that list may be short, these topics stole the hearts of the professors I approached.
Topic 1: The crippling debt you’re going into to pay their salary
Nothing breaks the ice like saying, “You should give me an A because my comrades and I feed your family.” And yes, I did say this to one of my Miami Plan professors who happened to be fresh out of graduate school. He clearly related to my struggle, as I ended up getting an A++. Although if you are in Farmer, I wouldn’t recommend taking this route. When I used the same talking point with my economics professor, he said,“Clearly, paying to put food on my table is desirable to you. If you really didn’t want me to eat, you wouldn’t be here”.
Topic 2: Your favorite place with sticky floors Uptown
Each of your professors was in college at one point or another; odds are they probably were in college longer than you will ever be. So, be sure to talk about your favorite place to spend time between the hours of 9 p.m.and 2 a.m. Uptown. This is particularly important if you are a first-year student; you should already have all of the bars ranked and prepared an essay for them, justifying your opinions. Nothing is more relatable than going into your 75-year-old professor’s office and talking about what you did at Brick Street on Friday.
Topic 3: The meaning of life
The ol’ stand by. The first thing I do when I meet a professor is ask them for every philosophical/theological opinion that they have. When they ask why I’m in their class, I turn the question onto them and ask why we exist. When they often get defensive, I tell them that nobody likes a fence sitter and I will be dropping their class. When I inevitably show up to the next session, I tell them that I had a vision I needed to be in their class, and act as if nothing happened.
Topic 4: The weather
If all of the above fail or don’t feel right, then go ahead and mention the weather. Not only will most of your professors enjoy the effort, but it is also great practice for when you reach the real world. I spoke about the weather about 17 times per day at my internship this summer, and I was only able to do so because of the practice I’ve had with my professors.
You’re welcome for the free tips on how to get an A. But, don’t all of you go stealing my tactics, because then professors might catch on and not give me the A I don’t deserve.
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