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Everything you missed at the Solar Eclipse

Did any of you happen to miss the Solar Eclipse last week? Well no worries, here at the humor section we figured that there may have been a few too many darties and a couple of people who imitated the sun by blacking out, so we decided to provide a synopsis. 

The first thing to know about the solar eclipse was just how ridiculous people looked. We had people shoving their faces into shoeboxes and dads on Facebook posting: “My eyes were strained after looking through the colander.” 

Then of course you had the people constantly wearing the solar eclipse glasses. Don’t get me wrong, props to them for protecting their eyes, but after an hour of just staring dumbfounded, you start to wonder what happened to them as a child. 

Additionally, it should be noted that the solar eclipse took all of a couple minutes to finish. That’s right Amanda, not even the moon can last for a full 5 minutes! Oh uh, sorry, I got a little sidetracked there. Anyway, the point is a lot of people were amazed by those few minutes so…

Anyways, the solar eclipse even got political. That’s right, former president Donald Trump ran an ad where his head covered up the sun and his supporters were left staring at his silhouette. 

Personally, I do think that people should look up to previous presidents, but I’m not sure how I feel about the Orange Man’s face covering up the big orange fireball (sorry College Republicans). Now, I’m also pretty sure that President Biden fell asleep the second it got dark out, thinking that it was past his bedtime, but that’s besides the point (sorry College Democrats).

The last thing you should know is that that society has gotten a lot more boring. In the past we would expect a minimum of 500 children thrown into volcanoes and at least a few thousand animal sacrifices as well. 

But the best we got this time around was people panicking thinking that the rapture was happening. Now trust me, I loved seeing the crazies on TikTok as much as the next guy but unfortunately, since the rapture didn’t happen, I can’t claim that that’s the reason my girlfriend disappeared.

Photo by Michael Pattee | The Miami Student

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