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A fowl morning: Journal entry from liberty, one of this year’s presidential pardoned turkeys

Dear Diary, 

Today, I, Liberty Turkey, received a pardon from President Biden. It has been a rather eventful, and quite frankly traumatic day. It started out normal. I vlogged “Day 87 of trying to fly” on TurkeyTube and InstaFowl, and gobbled up my breakfast. Afterward, I plucked a few of my feathers that just wouldn’t unruffle (I had to look my best for Sleepy Joe). 

After plucking those feathers, all my farm-mates were herded out of our enclosure and into the field where we saw a line of black limousines and people with cameras starting to record and take photos. There was even someone talking into a funny-looking stick with a fuzzy top, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. It seemed like chicken scratch to me. 

Slowly, after the president addressed the people with the fuzzy-topped black stick thing, he walked over and pointed at me and another turkey on the other side of the field. At that point, one of the herders started walking up to me. Personally, I never liked this herder as he had an ugly “mustache” that was really more like five hairs and a chocolate milk stain. Not to mention he always wore shorts, even if it was 40 degrees and windy! 

Anyway, I wanted to give him a bit of a hard time, so I started to run away. After about five seconds of running and vigorous flapping, I realized I really should’ve been laying off all that turkey feed, and I decided to give it up. But then to my surprise, the “mustache” man picked me up! I was about to remove one of his prized facial hairs, but then I realized I was being carried toward the president. All of a sudden,these cameras were being pointed in my direction, and I was suddenly very glad I’d plucked those feathers earlier today. 

The president ended up talking some more, and after he finished, he started to walk away towards a tractor, mistaking it for his limo. In a surprising twist, one of his staff members redirected him towards the limo. I mean, talk about a plot twist. 

Once the people with the furry sticks and cameras left, they put me and some other turkey named Bell into this big cage and put us on an airplane. I was incredibly distraught because the place the cage was put in didn’t have any windows, meaning I couldn’t show everyone following along with my vlogs that I finally was flying.

I tried to get some sleep while Bell gobbled on and on about how she was stuffed from breakfast. After waking up, I realized that we’d landed. Our crate was being carried out, and I saw that I was being carried to what looked like a retirement home! Like are you kidding me?!

So now it’s just Bell and I. There are a few other old geysers here, but all of my friends are gone. It’s been a rough one.

Until Next Time,

Liberty  

patteemj@miamioh.edu

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