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Celebrate not doing anything this November

I’m sure you’ve heard of No Shave November (I valiantly took on the challenge last year) and some of the … other abstaining challenges for the month. I personally have also had a “no girls will talk to me November.” I’m still not sure if the two are related or not.

Individuals celebrating No Shave November refrain from shaving all month long to support those living with cancer. While it supports a great cause, I believe that there are plenty of other groups that could also use support. So, I came up with these events that I have begun taking part in. 

No Class November

I made the very difficult decision to not attend any classes this month whatsoever.

I know what you are thinking: I’m a hero. Not going to class will be extremely challenging, as I typically spend four hours per week in class. 

I will still manage to maintain my extremely high GPA of 1.3 despite not going to class. How, you ask? A magician never reveals his secrets. I still have not informed my professors of my plans, but I doubt they’ll even notice.

I am taking on this challenge in support of those who didn’t get into the asynchronous classes they were hoping to get into. 

No Nuts November

We should all experience life without the joys of peanut butter.  

Your eyes will be opened wide. While difficult, I trust that we can all survive without legumes and cashews for a mere 30 days. 

This honestly isn’t too challenging of a task, given that Miami is a nut-free campus. 

Plus, I think we can all agree that we have wanted to punch the weird Planters peanut guy in the face for a long time (he had it coming). It may take strong self-control, and make you question your manhood, but this is for a worthwhile cause. 

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No Nuts November raises awareness for two very important groups: the American Society of Middle-Aged Women Named Karen Against Reese’s Cups (ASMAWNKARC) and the Organization Supporting Little Children Named Johnny with Peanut Allergies (OSLCNJPA). 

No Nicotine November

I really got you with this one. I see you hitting your vape as you read this article. Put it down, you fiend. Throw away your Zyn canister.

I have successfully completed No Nicotine November for 20 consecutive years, which goes to show you that you can truly accomplish whatever you put your mind to. Of course, I didn’t say anything about a No Sharpie Sniffing November. I like a challenge, not torture.

There is only one rule to this challenge — hitting the vape drunk does not count. You will still be able to continue in the challenge if you schmack it drunk.

No Narcissism November

I’ve already failed this challenge, but I’m sure many of you who still in the running. 

Many people attempt this challenge monthly. For us humans, this is a great way to work on “personal development,” whatever that means. Once you realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you (and rather, around me) the better off your lives will be. 

I started this challenge to raise money for the Connor Oviatt scholarship fund, helping Miami students named Connor Oviatt pay their tuition bills — a truly noble cause. Let me know if you would like to donate.

No Nonsense November

And … I failed. You did too, because you just wasted three minutes of your life reading this article. Congratulations.