Established 1826 — Oldest College Newspaper West of the Alleghenies

February Headline Dump

Miami ROTC sent to Philadelphia to repair destruction caused by Super Bowl loss 

Brick institutes half-priced “Horny Hours” by popular demand between 12 a.m. - 2 a.m. 

In response to efforts to stop hazing, fraternities start a new tradition called “fogging” 

After yet another wind advisory report, police compile suspect list to find out who exactly is advising the wind 

Students named Chad report higher success of finding same-day valentines day dates

Miami students call for implementation of red, orange, yellow, blue, violet and purple beer days as well

Superbowl “Animal Control” ad leads to nearly 300 animal attacks nationwide as men go out to look for the promised attractive cougars in their area

Engineering students surprised when their “Super Advanced Super Spoon” does not get national attention

Gordon Ramsey declines having Miami dining halls being in the next Hell’s Kitchen episode claiming “they’re too far gone”

Brick sees 200% sales increase following the end of dry period 

Red-haired man under six foot surprisingly not leprechaun 

Brick introduces under 18 cover to allow prospective students to get the “Miami Experience” 

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Balloon shot down revealed to be OU students spying on Miami

Opinion: St. Patrick’s day is just an excuse to drink and celebrate redheads and people named Patrick

Prospective  students shocked to learn the weekend begins on Thursday in College

Miami increases acceptance rate to 100% but remains “Public Ivy”