It should’ve been Aidan.
With the Sex and The City reboot, “And Just Like That..” coming soon to HBO Max, I decided to re-watch the show from the beginning. It was my third time.
And for the third time I wondered… Why didn’t Carrie end up with Aidan?
Maybe even more importantly, why did she have to end up with Big?
The last two times I’ve watched the series, I got so incredibly frustrated with Carrie. I just don’t get why she has to make it so damn hard for herself.
I mean, just look at how it all went down:
She falls for Big, which I can deal with because you can’t always choose who you want.
But then, after more than a year of dating, during which he didn’t let her meet his mom or give her a key to his apartment, he decides to move to Paris without talking to her about it or taking her into consideration.
But hey, it was for business, so we’ll overlook it.
Then he comes back without telling her, and he’s engaged to a much younger woman. This is after he told her for years he didn’t want to get married again.
You know what though, she was more his type: simple, elegant, tall and not Carrie.
Then he forces his way back into Carrie’s life once she’s finally happy with somebody else. She rejects him multiple times and is successful, until he forces himself on her in an elevator.
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But she agrees to sleep with him right after, and a bunch more times after that, so he can’t possibly be at fault there.
He eventually leaves his young and tall wife, and he and Carrie are finally just friends – Yay?
But then he follows Carrie to her boyfriend's Cabin an hour outside New York, just to talk to her about a new girl he was seeing.
He gets into a fight with her boyfriend because, well, this was during round two of Carrie being with the man she cheated on with Big.
Then he moves to Napa without telling her.
They only end up together because he gets old and realizes he has nobody to take care of him, and he isn't attractive enough to pull the ladies like he used to.
And then in the movie that came out after the series, he doesn't even show up to the wedding.
But don't worry! He emailed her a bunch of love letters that other people wrote, so it’s a total happy ever after.
And that sorry excuse for a leading relationship is what HBO shoved down my 17-year-old throat the first time I watched it.
So, why did she end up with walking garbage, when Aidan was just a sweet furniture maker who loved her?
Well I know what it was – the drama.
When Carrie was with Aidan (post Big’s Paris betrayal), her main complaint at the beginning was that it was too easy. He was too available, and he was nice to her, and there was no drama. And in her world, this was somehow a red flag.
Now I get that after having a deeply flawed and dramatic relationship it can be a shock when everything is smooth sailing at the start of something new, because you’re not used to it. But at this point, she’s a 35-year-old woman.
I have to say, I think she should know better.
Not only because she’s had enough dating experience to know what’s what, but because her amazing friends both told and showed her so many times that the Big Drama is not what a healthy relationship looks like.
Aidan just wanted to love and support her. There were no major ups and downs, cold shoulders, miscommunication or any of the other toxic habits she took part in with Big.
But no, no, no – the fact that her and Big have witty banter is enough for redemption.
The reason It’s such a let down that Carrie and Big are the central relationship, is because the other women in the show have amazing partners.
Look at Steve and Miranda. Sure, they’ve had years of back and forth and ups and downs, but that man adores her. Miranda had her issues, but I don’t think there was ever a moment when she didn’t know that Steve would be there for her.
Big sure wasn’t there for Carrie when he was a no-show at their wedding.
I repeat: he was a no-show at their wedding.
Then we have Harry and Charlotte. Yes, it was a little weird that she had to convert to Judaism for him to marry her, but he treated her like she hung the moon. He told Charlotte every day that she was the most beautiful woman he ever saw. And when she told him about her fertility issues, he assured her that there wasn’t a thing that could be a dealbreaker, well aside from her being Episcopallian.
Big chose Natasha over Carry because she was “easier.” Oh and younger and taller and rich.
Samantha and Smith. This one takes the cake for me. We watched Samantha be a confident woman every single season. There was never a man on her level, until Smith. Yes, he was younger, and so hot which helped, but he loved Samantha for exactly who she was. And when she found out she had breast cancer, he was by her side every step of the way.
Big moved to Napa and wasn’t even going to tell Carry because, well, he doesn’t like goodbyes.
The hard truth is, Carrie didn’t even really deserve Aidan. She never treated him the way he treated her, and she said herself that she acted like Big in their relationship.
But, if she was going to end up with somebody, why couldn’t it have been him?
She spent years with these strong women who were hell bent on never settling for a man. And, none of them did. Except Carrie.
She settled for a man who only loved her when he realized he was getting older and finally saw her for what she was – a woman desperately waiting for him to put in minimal effort.
Harsh, I know.
But I’m unapologetic in my opinion, because this show set an example.
The first time I watched it, I was a junior in high school in a toxic relationship with a football player who barely cared about me.
And I thought it was normal – romantic even. This show validated the part of me that wanted so badly for things to feel OK.
But they weren’t. That relationship was dramatic, and traumatic come to think of it, but hey – we had witty banter, and what else is there?
Now, I’m in a totally Aidan-esque relationship, and holy shit, it rocks. I don’t stay up at night wondering what he’s thinking because I already know. I don’t have to wonder what his friends are like because they’re my friends too. I don’t have to wonder why he’s with me, because he tells me all the time.
I don’t say this to brag. I say this because at the beginning of this relationship, I felt like something was deeply wrong.
But it wasn’t. It was just easy.
And what a tragedy it would’ve been if I had pulled a Carrie and ditched him to go hunting for a dose of drama from a boy who would love nothing more than to serve it to me on a silver platter.
With a big glass of bare minimum to wash it all down.
So ladies, next time you find yourselves having to wonder if it’s worth all the drama, it’s not.
You deserve an Aidan.
And if you’re lucky enough to have a group of women who support you through your romantic relationships, they deserve a chance to see their friend with a guy who makes her life easier.
Just try and avoid the Big mistakes.