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Scientist says missing bees are probably just playing hide-and-go-seek

This is a work of satire. Sorry if that’s a buzzkill.

As the honey bee population in the United States continues to decline, biologist Dr. Bob Anderson believes the answer to the mystery may lie in a well-loved childhood game. In a recent journal article, Dr. Anderson stated the most likely cause of the pollinator’s disappearance is a spirited game of hide-and-go-seek.

“Look, we've all seen Bee Movie, the preeminent feature film of our day, Dr. Anderson told reporters during an interview this week, “so we should know that bees have the capability to understand, work with and learn from human beings. It’s not a stretch to believe they can learn our most ancient form of entertainment as well.”

Other bee experts are not so sure and have responded to Dr. Anderson’s claims with statements such as, “No, probably not,” “It’s definitely pesticides,” and “Who is this guy?” 

But Dr. Anderson remains certain that he is on the right track: “I am confident that if we all close our eyes, count to 10, and loudly proclaim, ‘Ready or not here we come,’ we will find the bees in no time.”

No bees could be reached for comment. 

sperrydc@miamioh.edu

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