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Pot Pan sales hit record highs

This story, bluntly put, is a satire.

The results of collegiate entrepreneurial ingenuity are blazing across Oxford. Cast-iron pans, skillets, dutch ovens and griddles TH-seasoned with rare Colorado oil are the hottest product on the block. While sales hit record highs, demand for these “Pot Pans” consistently outpaces supply, and prospective buyers who have not yet acquired these good goods are green with envy.

The enigmatic Pot Pan producer, Scooby “Doobie” Doo, and his equally mysterious distributor, Mary Jane, debuted their amateur commodity on the eve of last year’s Super Bowl. Their joint venture hopes to smoke out the local market. 

Mr. Doo and Ms. Jane’s distribution pipeline boasts unparalleled convenience: couriers with a stache of Pot Pans roll up a stoner’s throw from your address at a moment’s notice to drop off your schedule-one, oregano-infused herb order. 

Each purchase includes a note recommending that “anything remotely edible ought to be baked at no more (and no less) than 420 degrees Fahrenheit.”

When asked about their experience with the product, the eyes of two local members of the Pi Omega Tau fraternity lit up. 

“To be blunt, we’d make this purchase again without an ounce of regret,” remarked one brother.  “Fried or toasted, every dish is a one-hit wonder. Ten out of ten dab-worthy.”

The ultimate remedy to midnight munchies, a Pot Pan is the perfect gift for your buds back home. Cough up the cash and get yours today!

filonopm@miamioh.edu

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