I’ve been having problems.
Specifically, there may be a hex in my life.
Ants trying to build an anthill on the hood of my car, California fires burning down my favorite place in the whole world and then my car just completely breaking down — which led me to calling a tow truck with a hot driver my age who later texted me saying he’s engaged but felt like “something happened to him with me today that never had.”
I mean, what the hell?
I know that there’s bigger things to worry about. We’ve got a pandemic, a politically divided country and people all around us are dying because of both.
But I think I still retain the right to feel frustrated here.
I’m 20 years old, and at this time last year, my biggest concern was trying to drop a few pounds before a date party because I was planning on wearing a tight skirt — the luxury of complete and total lack of awareness.
So, where do I go from here?
Well, according to my mom’s “Animal Speak” book, the ants are trying to tell me there’s an opportunity I’m not seizing, and I need to put more effort into getting something done.
But can’t these ants see that I’m trying my fucking best? I’m giving all the effort I’ve got in me right now — OK, little guys?
Let’s just humor them for a moment, though. Let’s say there’s something out there I need to be putting more energy into.
Here’s the thing – we’ve been in quarantine for six months now, and I’m pretty burnt out on self-improvement. I started learning how to cook, eating better and working out. My confidence is way up, along with my energy and serotonin levels. And I’ve been keeping it up since I’ve been back at school. I’m happy with where I’ve gotten myself, and I think I’ll hang out at this improvement plateau for a little.
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So, it’s not me I need to put more effort into. What else is there?
School work, I guess. But I’ve been on top of that, too. I bought a planner, and it’s all filled up with color-coded tasks that I complete without even procrastinating. Like – I’m literally writing this article right now a whole day before I needed to.
So, my schoolwork is all squared away at the moment. What else?
Though this point didn’t make an appearance in the “Animal Speak” chapter on ants, their teamwork got me thinking about the people around me.
Yes, my name is Rebecca, but friends call me Bex, and I’m pretty sure I’ve got a hex, but I’m also not alone.
Not a day has gone by where I haven’t felt like I’m putting out some sort of fire in the life of somebody close to me. It’s small stuff — no where near the size of the ones blazing back home in California — but still.
Even yesterday with my tow-truck boyfriend, I told him he was lucky to be engaged and should focus on that. I’m out here saving marriages, people — God’s work.
The list goes on, too: my friend’s boyfriend troubles, my other friend’s break-up troubles, a housemate getting COVID-19, a friend getting yelled at by a dude at a party, drama between friends and a mouse loose in my house.
But I gave out advice, hugs and tissues, I cooked meals, I listened without judgement and I bought mouse traps.
So yeah, my problems still totally exist, and I hate them because they suck. But, because I am in a good place mentally, physically and academically, I’m able to work through them and still have plenty of time left to lend a hand to those around me.
So, I thank you, ants, for reminding me that I’m not alone in my problems, and if I can pick up an extra crumb or two along the way to reaching my goal, it can help everyone make a little progress.
But, you should know that I bought Raid today, and as soon as my car gets fixed, you’ll just be another item crossed off in my cute-ass planner.