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Brand new, ‘Battle Royale’-style registration takes effect Fall 2020

Registration has always been a troubling  topic among the Miami University student body. 

Nobody wants to wake up early, no one likes seeing their classes are full and no one likes dealing with the complicated force-add/ROR process. Heeding these complaints, the administration elected to steer registration in a new direction.

The most common and damaging effect of the current registration system, which orders students hierarchically based on academic year and honors requirements, was that it was increasingly difficult to get into classes students wanted and/or needed.  

Before the proposed changes the university would deal with complaints like these by sending an email suggesting the student select a new major or minor, (“Gerontology is wide open!” one advisor wrote to sophomore Brief Reagen), or they would encourage students to stick it out and try again.

“I need to take AMS 288 to graduate, but it has been filled up every single semester by the time I get there,” Reagen told The Miami Student. “Isn’t there a better way to do things?”

Miami says, yes … but there are caveats.

What exactly? 

Well, if students thought the previous seniority based system was cutthroat wait until you’re getting your throat cut by a first-year with 15 AP credits. 

“Miami University is, at its core, a liberal arts university,” said head of registration, Mars Lugly. “We believe in providing the most well-rounded and complete education we have for all of our students. And the research shows blinding rage and hand-to-hand combat is the best answer.” 

Some early testers of the new system, who were granted anonymity for fear of retribution, complained that they “lost a close friend” or “now have permanent damage to my legs” or “can’t stop killing.” 

These issues will hopefully be ironed out as the new system is rolled out.

“A lot of people want to focus on the negative,” Lugly said. “But what they are missing is the positives. Miami will be as competitive as ever and will never struggle to give each student a dorm room. Tuition will have been paid at this point, so there is no significant financial loss.”

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“Plus, the fields of carnage and carrion will be vital in recruiting the Vikings,” Lugly added. 

Get your bats and your gats, because Miami is going to be more red than usual next year.