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6 Halloween twists to separate your Jim Halpert costume from the rest

We’ve all been there. You got invited to a Halloween costume party, but you’re a white man with little to no creativity and and an extremely limited knowledge of pop culture. 

In a flash of genius, you grab your white dress shirt and head to the party as the everyman from the funniest piece of media you can fathom, only to realize there are at least six other Jim Halperts at the same party. 

Luckily for you, I have compiled a list of original Halloween twists that you can use to take your Jim costume to the next level:

  1. Machina Jim: This Jim is from a future where Jim’s conscious has been cybernetically implanted into an android body. Though the manufacturers gave him artificial skin to make him more humanoid, it is clear he is not fully a man anymore and he struggles with his identity. Also, he has a missile launcher in his arm.
  2. Kidney Stone Jim: Just like many men, Jim’s kidneys betray him and crystallize his urine, developing a painful stone he must pass during the course of your Halloween party. Periodically throughout the night, fall on the floor writhing in pain and calling for an ambulance. 
  3. Jim On Ice™: After Disney ultimately absorbs NBC into its ever-looming media conglomerate, they will no doubt exploit the popularity of “The Office” by converting it into an On Ice production. What better way to show off the day-to-day life of white collar Americans than through a dazzling multimedia performance full of high class figure-skating and wonder? Just strap on those ice skates, get yourself a flesh-colored boyband mic, and hit the town!
  4. Jim after Pam and the children die in a horrific house fire he could have prevented and now he’s turned to the bottle: After the series finale of “The Office,” Jim and Pam continue to live their happily ever after raising their beautiful children. That is, until one fateful summer night when Jim, after cooking a pot of stovetop popcorn, forgets to turn off the gas on their burner oven before beginning one of his classic indoor firework extravaganzas. The Roman candles immediately set the room ablaze and the fire department could not arrive in time. Tortured by guilt, Jim begins to drown his sorrows in alcohol and develops a crippling dependency.
  5. Jim after Pam and the children die in a horrific house fire he could have prevented and now he’s turned to balloon animals: This is essentially the same as #4, but instead of coping with a substance abuse problem, Jim starts taking balloon animal classes at the local community college. The balloons can also be switched out for any traditional clown behavior, such as driving around in a tiny car or pulling a comically long handkerchief out of your mouth, as long as it’s sufficiently depressing.
  6. Testicular Cancer Jim: Just regular Jim but he’s wearing a Livestrong bracelet.

@seanmullee

mulleesp@miamioh.edu 

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