Can you survive rooming with an artist?

As the semester ends, and we all begin planning for the coming year, no question is more important than: Who will be my roommate? Ranging from loud alarms to seances, we have all heard countless roommate horror stories.

I entered my first year with these worries plaguing my mind. Could I really trust a girl I met for 30 minutes in Starbucks? Turns out I had nothing to worry about; my roommate was spectacular. How could I be so lucky? Then a thought stopped me in my tracks. They always say, if you can’t spot the weird guy in a room, it’s probably you. Was I the horror story?

I began to meditate on my possible quirks, or to quote my roommate, “quizzically obscure but universally aggravating habits.” And I mean, she does have a point; I am not easy to live with. Most of my peculiarities stem from being a writer and thespian. The life of an artist’s roommate is not for the faint of heart. If you would like to test if you are up for the challenge, I have compiled a questionnaire to determine the few poor souls who will survive the journey.

First, you must know that artists will drag you into their work, whether you want to or not. So, unless you want to find yourself the subject of a student documentary, with your roommate yelling from behind a camera, “stop looking so annoyed,” stick to rooming with accounting majors.

Do you find joy in watching films with someone who pauses the movie every few minutes to give a TED talk on shot composition and directorial decisions? If not, decline that roommate request — it took an ungodly amount of time for us to finish Batman.

Are you willing to listen to niche Broadway songs on repeat for weeks on end? It’s OK to swipe left; that’s a cruel and unusual punishment. No one will blame you. (Rent songs are currently banned in my room.)

Finally, are you ready to read countless iterations of a humor article because your roommate has some pipe dream that they want to be a comedian? That was a pretty recent addition to the list, but one my roommate forced me to include.

If you have made it this far and are still considering rooming with a creative... well… there may be a problem with you. I would look into that. As a representative of the artists, I can only apologize.

As I end this quiz and send you off to find your future best friend — or the person you will describe to your aunt at Christmas as “unique… but I guess it could be worse,” — my only defense for my countless faux pas is this: If you room with an artist, you will never be bored. On the verge of a migraine and throwing a shoe across the room daily, but never bored.

strebymk@miamioh.edu