Ranking of my least favorite redheads in media

This time last year, I sat down with Culture Editor Stella Powers and proclaimed that I wanted to rank my favorite redheads in the media, in honor of the beloved holiday that was quickly approaching: Green Beer Day.

At the time, I only intended to write one. However, after not much convincing from the Culture section, I decided to open my laptop again and rank my least favorite redheads in media from least to most hated.

Poison Ivy — DC Comics

While Poison Ivy may have killer outfits, amazing hair and is played by Uma Thurman, she does try to kill a lot of people and “seduces” others. As much as I advocate for accepting women’s rights and wrongs, I have to draw the line somewhere.

Archie Andrews — ‘Riverdale’

For someone who claims to be the main character of this show, Archie is somehow always involved in the least relevant plots. While Betty and Jughead uncover secret cults and murderers, Archie grapples with the daunting question of whether or not to play football and guitar at the same time. Every time he comes on my screen, I have to fast-forward.

Prince Harry

While Harry is my favorite of King Charles’ children, that does not mean I actually like him. At one point in time, I may have had a different outlook. However, after reading about his frostbitten penis in his memoir “Spare” (I wish I was joking), I couldn’t defend his antics anymore.

Nicole Kidman

I’m not sure what it is about Kidman, but her acting makes me irrationally angry. Every time I watch one of her movies, I get the sense that she doesn’t want to be there — but that is just speculation. However, I will say, the preview of her before every AMC movie showing is iconic. I cannot go into a movie theater without thinking about how “we come to this place for magic.”

Victoria — The ‘Twilight’ Saga

This will be a running theme, but Victoria also makes me so mad for no good reason. The author, Stephenie Meyer, created Victoria to cause conflict for Bella — she is literally doing her job — and yet, I get annoyed every single time she appears.

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Despite her prickly personality, I will give her bonus points for having the most beautiful red curls imaginable.

Rumplestiltskin — ‘Shrek’

Rumplestiltskin. What more is there to say?

This children’s character is a creepy little man who tricks people into making deals they did not sign up for. We could also go further by looking at his Brothers Grimm counterpart, where he makes a deal with a woman who thinks he’s a friendly man trying to help her out, then asks for her firstborn as compensation.

Why is this little man stealing babies? What does he do with them? Are they safe? So many questions fill my head when it comes to this man — and don’t even get me started on the “Once Upon a Time” version of the character.

Lucky the Leprechaun — Lucky Charms

Much like Rumplestiltskin, I do not trust Lucky the Leprechaun with anything, let alone my morning cereal. For those of you who are not familiar with Irish folklore, leprechauns are menaces who play tricks on humans to lead them astray.

Why should I trust what a leprechaun is giving me to eat, when I know they love to play a prank?

Percy Weasley — ‘Harry Potter’

If you read my previous ranking, you would know I placed the Weasley twins and Molly Weasley quite high on my list. Now, on the other end of the spectrum is Percy — the sibling who abandoned his family for a government system he knew was corrupted by the Death Eaters and their supporters.

Percy may have redeemed himself at the end of the series, but he will never hold the same place in my heart as the other Weasley siblings do.

Anxiety — ‘Inside Out’

I find Anxiety incredibly interesting and frustrating at the same time. I do not understand the choices the character makes and why it wants to wreck Riley’s life. On the other hand, I relate to that feeling all too well and understand why the emotion can’t stop. Anxiety is all too relatable, making it impossible for me to rank them any higher.

King Henry VIII

I could talk for pages about why this man was the worst, but for your sake and mine, I will keep it brief.

Henry VIII has to be one of the biggest disappointments that has come out of the British monarchy, and that’s saying a lot. How did he get six beautiful women to marry him, only to mess it up every single time? I am so happy his wives have arguably become more well-known and talked about in the past decade, especially after the release of “Six” the musical.

pedenae@miamioh.edu