As we enter deeper into the season of pumpkin spice and holiday-inspired family drama, internship applications are also upon us. These applications are a necessary evil; you can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them. Without further ado, here are some of the rejections (and acceptances) I’ve received during this time of panic and anxiety:
Dear Shannon,
We regret to inform you that your time in our 2.5-mile ultimate obstacle course of employment propensity did not meet our threshold. As such, we are unable to offer you the summer 2026 unpaid internship at this time. Do not consider reapplying next year, unless you get a gym membership first.
Regards,
McDonald’s
Dear Shannon,
Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected for an initial screening. To get a sense of your personality, these interviews will take place at our office in Chicago. Luckily, we were able to fit you in between our meetings in the late afternoon. Your time slot is 10:45 to 10:50 p.m.. If you are unable to make your meeting time, you will forfeit the opportunity to become a junior data entry analyst. Please reply to us with your travel bookings so we can confirm your interest in the position. We wish you luck in the next stage of this interview process, and look forward to hearing your reply.
Warmly,
Goldman Stanley
Dear Shannon,
We regret to inform you we cannot offer you a position at Dunder Mifflin company at this time. Your interview didn’t quite have the synergistic feel we were looking for. In future, we suggest adding a little more “razzle-dazzle.” We wish you luck in your job search.
Ciao,
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Dunder Mifflin
Re: summer internship 2026
pass. sorry went another direction.
<<Sent from my iPhone>>
Dear Shannon,
Congratulations! We are happy to offer you a manager position at KnifeCo. For the first two years, this will be a commission-only internship, and by your third year, pending a positive performance review, we will begin to offer compensation for teammates you recruit to our organization. We are excited to be working with you and look forward to seeing you at our sales team shin-dig.
Best,
Your Neighbor - Executive Corporate Management Manager Person at KnifeCo
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