Thanksgiving is right around the corner, which means it’s time to start preparing for passionate football fans, debates with relatives and the everlasting bloat from overeating at dinner.
It’s the same thing every year: Your dad and uncles are screaming at whatever football team they’re rooting for, Meemaw is finishing up the turkey and your mom and aunts are gossiping at the table. Your cool cousin asks if you’d like to join them on a “walk.”
And all is well until Pawpaw says something offensive at dinner.
Now you’ve got the entire family attacking you because you called Pawpaw out. Your cool cousin would normally back you up, but they’re no longer mentally present after your “walk.” So, after dinner, you go home feeling defeated by Pawpaw’s defenders, and you’re so bloated you have to unbutton your pants.
Repeat the cycle next year.
But this year, I’ve got a way for you to jazz up your Thanksgiving dinner. What would your family love more than mashed potatoes and turkey? Some good music — it’ll serve as a distraction from Pawpaw’s bigoted remarks and bring everyone together.
Consider adding the following songs to your Thanksgiving playlist. They’re guaranteed to spark some conversation. Your family will be thankful, trust me.
“FDT” - YG
Your conservative uncle will absolutely love this one. This song will spark an insightful, civil conversation about politics. In fact, by playing this tune for your family, you may be able to change some views.
“WAP” - Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion
“Sexxx Dreams” - Lady Gaga
“Cola”- Lana Del Rey
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Woah, three songs? Yes, that’s right, three songs to ignite thoughtful discussions about women’s sexuality. In 2022, we’re all about women’s empowerment, and an empowered woman is in tune with and owns her sexuality.
Showing your family that big names such as Cardi B, Lady Gaga and Lana Del Rey are proud of their sexuality will make it easier for them to understand “kids these days.”
These songs may even help dear Meemaw realize some things about herself.
“Shake Ya Ass” - Mystikal
In between all the delightful conversations at dinner, you’re going to want something to get the whole family up and moving. This is the perfect song for a dance break. Your wine-drunk aunt will definitely appreciate it if no one else does.
“Big Balls” - ACDC
If you’d like to give an anatomy lesson over Thanksgiving dinner, this would be the ideal song. You can wow your family with your extensive knowledge of human anatomy and teach your younger cousins and siblings a valuable lesson about their bodies.
“Fuck Tha Police” - N.W.A
“Cop Killer” - Body Count
Your conservative uncle will go crazy for these songs. If you’d like to stir up an intellectual conversation about the justice system, you should definitely give these a stream.
“Your Rebel Flag” - Insane Clown Posse
This one will serve as a polite, respectful warning to Pawpaw. Make sure you look him right in the eyes as you sing along. I also suggest wearing a shirt with this song’s lyrics on it during dinner.
“Dear God” - XTC
Have some religious relatives that’ll be attending dinner? Don’t worry, this is the perfect tune to play for them! They’ll be thrilled to hear this song and discuss faith with you.
“I Kill Children” - The Dead Kennedys
Let’s face it, the United States has a fascination with serial killers, and what’s a better way to acknowledge that fact than playing this song? Your family members will be left reflecting on the nationwide obsession after hearing this punk classic.
“Squidward’s Nose” - CupcakKe
This one’s for the younger siblings and cousins at dinner. There’s nothing that kids love more than “SpongeBob Squarepants,” and you wouldn’t want to leave them out of the conversation. Parents will be elated that you’ve shown their children a fun song about their favorite cartoon.
“If U Seek Amy” - Britney Spears
What’s a good playlist without Britney Spears? This is a Britney classic, and your family will have a great time deciphering the hidden message in this song.
“Stupid Hoe” - Nicki Minaj
“Fuck You” - Lily Allen
Even if dinner flops after playing this list of songs for your family, don’t worry — I’ve got you. These two songs serve as the perfect disses. They’ll help you win an argument and truly make for an unforgettable Thanksgiving.
Not only will this list of songs complement Thanksgiving, but it’ll place you at the center of everyone’s attention. The entire family will be wowed by this playlist. In fact, they’ll probably be so impressed that they’ll ask you to make next year’s Thanksgiving playlist.
You’ll quickly become everyone’s favorite. Thank me later.