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New swipe-for-food meal plan cause for commotion

By Joey Hart, Asst. Opinion Editor

The ID swiping mechanism at Garden Dining Hall was rendered out of commission last Thursday when an unidentified child ran up to the front table and shouted "Swiper, no swiping."

Sophomore Zachary Jameson, who witnessed the scene, described the moment as "shocking."

"One minute everybody is swiping their ID cards to get into the buffet and everything is normal," Jameson said. "Then, for some reason, when that girl yelled at us to stop swiping, we couldn't. It was weird."

This year's new meal plan, which is based upon a set number of swipes for buffet meals that on-campus students pay for at the beginning of each semester, has come under criticism recently for contributing to overcrowded dining halls and reduced access to food.

This incident exacerbated the issue, as dozens of students were forced to go elsewhere for their evening meal.

"Oh man!" Jameson remarked, snapping his fingers as he recalled the event.

The culprit, who remains at large, was described as a female of Hispanic decent between the ages of 8 and 12 and was wearing a purple backpack. Some witnesses said they also saw a monkey on her back, but this fact could not be verified.

"Before she said 'Swiper, no swiping' I could have sworn I heard her talking to no one, like she was speaking to a camera but no one was there," Jameson added. "How weird is that?"

Many wondered why a girl of such a young age would be out and about without supervision. Freshman Dorothy Ann, who works in food services at Garden, said that the girl's legal guardians should have been present.

"I don't know what sort of parents just let their children run amok out in any environment," Ann said. "This is a terrible example to set for all other children."

This incident comes in the wake of a string of odd occurrences on campus. The previous week, several students complained about an alleged green creature living in a campus trash can in North Quad, described by many as "grouchy."

Additionally, sightings of a large, purple dinosaur roaming the campus have plagued the student populace in recent months.

"I haven't seen anything this weird since elementary school when my teacher and her pet lizard tried to take my class to weird places on this special school bus," Ann said. "I think she was on meth."