Holiday Dump

President Crawford dresses up as Santa at College Mentors for Kids Event, Asks Kids “How Are Classes?”

Florida Man Loses Arm After Trying to Cut Down a Christmas Tree That Was Actually an Alligator

Nationwide Pipe Failure Attributed to Too Many People Taking Massive Dumps After Thanksgiving Dinner

Frosty the Snowman and Olaf from Frozen Fight to the Death to See Who is the GOAT Snowman

Opinion: The Only Way to Fall Asleep On Christmas Eve is by Getting Blackout Drunk

Hearing Loss Rates Among College-Aged Men Spike Due to Their Girlfriends Playing “All I want for Christmas is You” Too Many Times

Commentary: The only Thing I want For Christmas Is My Hearing With Community Standards to Be Over

Elf Who Wants to Be A Dentist Mugged by the Toymaker Elf Guild

Keebler Elf Sues North Pole Elf for Not Including Fudge Stripes in the Five Main Food Groups

Rudolph to Lead New Anti-Bullying Campaign in the North Pole

Breaking News: Gregory Crawford Spotted on the Naughty List

Record Number of Families Left on Not Speaking Terms After This Thanksgiving’s Political Discussions

Reindeers Everywhere Nervous About Elon Musk’s New Eco Friendly Self-Driving Sleigh

Is Jeff Bezos Evil Santa Claus? Here Are All of Their Similarities

New Generation Trying to Send Santa Claus a DM on Instagram Instead of a Letter

Santa Recommends Households to Switch From Milk and Cookies to Soy Milk and Keto Bars

The Kringles Filing for Divorce; Mrs. Claus Caught Making Candy Canes With Head Elf Bernard

Men in Santa Suits, Ringing a Salvation Army Bell Arrested for Identity Theft at a Local Mall

Boy Tries to Divorce His Parents; Wants Two Christmases This Year

TMS Humor Editors Gone Missing After Too Many Girls Wished for a Cute, Funny Boyfriend for Christmas

Reports Show Santa Filed for Unemployment for Only Working One Day a Year

Present Shortage in the North Pole Due to Elves Unionizing

With The Kringles’ Losing Money Due to Santa’s Reindeer Gambling Addiction, Mrs. Claus Makes an Onlyfans

Miami University Hits New Low With Only 4% of the Student Population Being On the Nice List