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Derek Jeter to join Miami baseball coaching staff in 2015

By Charlie Clifford
On April 1, 2014

This story is satirical 

The rumors are true folks. Derek Jeter, the captain, will be joining the Miami baseball coaching staff next season after his final season with the New York Yankees.

A teary eyed Jeter confirmed the decision this morning in his 19th and final opening day press conference.

"Obviously this is a very special day for me. New York is my home, but with this being my last season... I need to think forward. I am proud to be a Miami RedHawk and cannot wait to get out there to help the program," Jeter said. 

The Yankees all-time hit leader is a perfect fit according to first year RedHawk head coach Danny Hayden.

"This is DJ-3K people. The guy is the best shortstop to ever play the position. Today is the day in fifty years people around here will tell their grandchildren about."

Born and raised in Kalamazoo, MI, Jeter spent his teenage summer's training at The Zubrod Performance Academy in neighboring Eaton, OH. Four summers and countless hours on the diamond later, Jeter left as one of the nations top baseball prospects.

"I'll never forget getting to camp for the first time. All I wanted to do was get out of there. The Hawks Landing pool is where I wanted to be. That place was the spot back then," said Jeter.

One sweltering July afternoon however Jeter met a life-changing coach. A little known local hitting instructor approached the then 15 year old prospect with a simple question: "How would you like to play for the New York Yankees some day son?"

This man, only known by others as Daryl, knew a superstar when he saw one. Owning and operating The Circle Bar in uptown Oxford, OH, Daryl quickly developed a revolutionary workout regime for Jeter that included 5am Indian runs, thousands of sets of burpees, and fielding ground balls while being hit by bamboo sticks.

"The guy was a tyrant. Some days he would rig the water fountain so white russians would come out. By noon, I could not hit water if I fell out of a boat," said Jeter.

The hazy afternoons turned into success under the lights as Jeter won All-Ohio Summer Ball MVP four consecutive times. Daryl knew Jeter was born to be a Miami RedHawk, but when it came time for the 1992 MLB Draft, Jeter's name was all over draft boards.

"The only place Derek Jeter's going is to Cooperstown," said Yankees Midwest Scout Steve Bartman.

Five World Series championships and 13 all star appearances later, Jeter takes the diamond in the Bronx tonight for his last opening day. 642 miles away inside the bar in the alley, Daryl chuckles as Jeter rounds first for his 3,317 base hit.

"That's my boy," said Daryl.

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