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Police Beat

By Staff
On April 1, 2014

This is a satirical piece.

32 Range Rover pileup, cracked iPhones total $3 million in damages

In the Sunday afternoon move-in panic, a vehicle traveling south on South Main Street executed a U-turn, which resulted in a 32 Range Rover pileup. The initial Range Rover was attempting to secure the only available parking space in a two-mile radius, authorities said.

"My baby!" Miami junior Ida Hoe screamed as she fell to her knees and ripped out clumps of blonde hair, looking at a scratch on her glossy black 2014 L. L. Bean edition Range Rover.

Initial reports indicate 31 out of the 32 drivers were texting at the time. The remaining driver was sending a Snapchat, which is now in a Butler County circuit court evidence file.

The accident resulted in minor body damage to all 32 Range Rovers and five cracked iPhone 5s screens. The damage is estimated upwards of $3 million.

Verizon telecommunications reported its network temporarily crashed when all 32 drivers simultaneously attempted to call their fathers.

By Staff

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