Miami Student

Issue date: 4/4/08 Section: OpEd Page

Screaming babies, the gnashing of teeth, people ripping at their clothes and profanities flying from mouths. No, this isn't a journey into the unbearable depths of hell. Nor is it your worst, most unimaginable nightmare. This is a massive airport delay.

On a recent trip to visit a friend of mine in Texas, I found myself stranded at the Dayton International Airport for 10 hours after my flight was severely delayed. And if you've ever been to Dayton, or, for that matter, any airport without wireless, then you know what I mean when I say I'd rather be forced to listen to The B-52s' "Love Shack" on repeat while watching a Hills marathon than be stranded there.

But that's beside the point. During those 10 hours, I, needless to say, became very acquainted with the other delayed passengers sitting around me. Not only did this happen against my will, but I also didn't learn about these people from speaking to them, like one would assume.

There were several times that day I wanted to say something to certain people-OK, that's putting it nicely-there were several times I wanted to jump over the rows of navy blue, bolted-down chairs and scream things in the face of certain people. But to avoid getting thrown out of the airport in a Meet the Parents-esque manner, I started writing about the complete lack of human decency on the part of my fellow stranded passengers.

With the news of American Airlines canceling hundreds of flights last month, combined with the fact that Southwest is being fined millions of dollars for flying uninspected planes, I foresee many unfortunate airport delays like mine. Perhaps if I lay out a few friendly pointers of airport etiquette, then you won't have to endure this merciless suffering.

The first thing I really noticed was that people don't understand it's rude to talk on your cell phone in public places, especially those places where others are within close proximity to you. Don't you realize everyone can hear you talking? Or maybe it's that you want people to hear you. Well, news flash: no one wants to hear about your ailing mother's goiter and how it somehow prevents her from being able to water her plants.

And while I'm on the cell phone etiquette topic, if you know you're going to be around lots of people in close quarters, and there's a chance your phone might ring, put it on vibrate. No one cares to hear "Mambo No. 5," on high play when your cousin calls. People will judge you.

Continued...

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