It all started with Michigan football, then progressed to chemistry, stupid people, Communism, warm beer and those absurdly painful-to-open plastic clamshell containers that package every piece of consumer junk in Wal-Mart. Recently, however, a rising force became the new target of my most supreme hatred. What, you may ask, could overtake my most excruciating high school subject, every undergrad's worst buzz-kill and party-ruiner or the single most unspeakable sports team ever assembled? My friends, I give you Twitter. It is the Antichrist. The excrement of the Internet. Perhaps the downfall of human society as we know it.
I can only hope and pray that some of you are unfamiliar with this new menace, so forgive me for taking a moment to briefly illuminate its sordid origins. Founded in 2006 in San Francisco, Twitter has been described as a "micro-blogging" tool for the ever-growing online social networking scene. The service allows subscribers to post personal updates of 140 characters or less, which are then posted to a user's profile page and sent to everyone who subscribes to the user's Twitter account. Subscribers generally include friends, family members and co-workers, and these updates, known as "tweets," are sent to e-mail accounts, cell phones and Blackberries. For example, you could send out a tweet reading, "Just landed in Ft. Lauderdale, on the way to spring break!" I know what you're thinking … this all seems very innocuous and could be a great way to keep in touch with friends and family, right?
Wrong. The devil known as Twitter is infiltrating society and its vast-reaching consequences are already upon us.
Twitter is growing exponentially. According to the ratings gurus at Nielsen, the service now boasts more than 7 million subscribers and has grown by a whopping 1382 percent in the last year alone. Nielsen reports Twitter's largest demographic of users is the 35 to 49 age slot, and everyone from politicians, media pundits, professional athletes and your mom has become addicted to pumping out 140-character bursts of irrelevant drivel. Pretty soon you'll be reading Twitter updates from your mom about her latest trip to the bathroom. Heaven help us all.
Like any new trend, the problem with Twitter lies in its abuse. A recent case study that illustrates my point was the "Twitterview" conducted by ABC News' George Stephanopoulos with my beloved Sen. John McCain, (R-Ariz.). At this point the warning bells should already be ringing in your head. Yes, this is the same John McCain who professed to not even knowing how to use his own Blackberry during his failed presidential campaign last year. Yes, George Stephanopoulos really thought he could conduct a substantive interview in 140-characters or less. Yes, the result was what you'd expect. Here's a gem from the little twitter convo:
GStephanopoulos@SenJohnMcCain: What worries you more: Pakistan or Iran?
SenJohnMcCain@GStephanopoulos both. the challenges are different but both significant.
Wow, poignant stuff. If you want to have a good cry about the state of modern journalism and our political system, head to ABC.com and read the whole thing. Politicians have unhealthily fallen head over heels for Twitter, and some of its more notable users include President Barack Obama, Karl Rove and Newt Gingrich. In addition to our buddy George Stephanopoulos, CNN's Rick Sanchez devotes portions of his show to reading some incredibly intelligent tweets from viewers. It's like watching political commentary from the cast of Laguna Beach. Painful.
But alas, Twitter not only threatens our political and journalistic systems but our courts of law as well. Last week we learned a man named Jonathan Powell, a juror in a $12.6 million civil suit twittered before, during and after the high-profile court case. Powell disclosed some pieces of information that were supposed to remain in the privacy of a courtroom and the judge is considering declaring a mistrial. You read that correctly. Twitter is killing justice as we know it.
I won't argue Twitter is without value. Some fairly progressive uses for Twitter have been suggested in recent months like airline companies using the short messages to instantly alert travelers of flight delays and exploiting the user-generated feedback to predict and track new pandemic outbreaks based on how many subscribers are tweeting about having the flu. One of Twitter's most influential moments came in the recent terrorist attacks in Mumbai when victims twittered about the carnage occurring around them and provided the most real-time commentary about the violence.
A Twitter user in New York even used his iPhone to snap the one of the first images of the downed U.S. Airways flight in the Hudson and shot it out to his subscribers via the social networking service.
My point is that we should treat Twitter like dynamite. Applied sparingly and properly, it has the potential to truly revolutionize the way we communicate with one another and interact with the work. Used recklessly, Twitter has the potential to usher in Armageddon. I know the day may come when I too may have to create a Twitter account and submit to the mayhem, but the day I receive my first tweet about Lindsay Lohan turning straight again or Sarah Palin's latest aerial moose hunt is the day I play my first game of chicken with a semi truck.
