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Miami Student > OpEd Page

'Stinky' economy leaves columnist few options

Column: The Jig Is UP

By Mark Wilson, Senior Staff WRiter

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Published: Monday, April 25, 2005

Updated: Sunday, February 14, 2010

Years ago, I promised myself that I wouldn't do one of those horrible, sappy "I'm graduating to go out into a bigger and better world" columns that I used to read when columnists graduated. Well, I'm going to break that promise. Sort of. Instead, how about a "I'm graduating to go look for some sort of job in a stinky economy" column? How about a column which talks about how I don't know what I'll be doing for the next few years? Oh, yes; let's have one of those. The fact of the matter is that liberal arts people have a problem. While their studies are valuable to them - to their goals of learning and enriching themselves - other people don't find those studies so valuable. In fact, they're so unvaluable that no one is willing to pay them! People who work for eight years to get doctorates in liberal arts get paid very little relative to what their degree cost them. I won't have five cherry jobs waiting for me at Cintas. And so what will I do? Probably walk the Earth, giving advice to people who need it, claiming that I'm the Messiah. Whatever it is that people do after they've graduated. I'll have such a beard that people might actually believe me. And I'll wear sandals all the time. Or I'll invent something, like that guy that invented the Segway. It will combine two inventions that no one has ever thought to put together, like a potato and a jet engine, or a syringe and a hot rod. Maybe something in the scissors and fishing trawler department. I'm still working all the kinks out of my inventions, but when they hit the market, you can bet that the playing card/halogen lamp industry will feel it. In actuality, my plan is to go to law school in a year. I'm "taking a year off" because I missed the deadline for applications to any law school, since I was busy mulling over what it was I wanted to do. Graduate school? Medical school? Charm school? The options are essentially endless, especially with the high score I got on my CSAT (Charm School Aptitude Test), where I placed in the 95th percentile in "Table Manners." It's hard for me to go into a "bigger and better world" because I'm not going to do that just yet. The world is pretty much the same as it was when I entered college, except the United States was less of a theocracy then, and I didn't have a degree. You know what they say about things changing and staying the same. I certainly don't know what they say; I was high that day. But if it's words of wisdom you're looking for, then they can be found on May 6, also known as "No Pants Day." Perhaps, as Confucius said, there is wisdom yet to be found in pantslessness.

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