Here we are, Miami. Back in the saddle, back in business for one last semester of gratuitous, bleeding-heart liberalism. My New Year's resolution, however, is to be less combative, less vulgar and more accepting of a diversity of opinions. Last semester a friend of mine tactfully pointed out to me that my diatribes in The Student are not helping change hearts and minds and that rather than furthering the debate, I am simply another screaming head of political hackery - sort of a left-wing version of Bill O'Reilly (only without the sexual harassment charges).
But now I'm reformed, Miami. I've seen the light, and I've been saved. From here on out I'm sticking with reasoned debate and cordial disagreement.
Having said that, if there are any George W. Bush fans out there who are still drinking the bullsh*t-flavored Kool-Aid that this administration is ladeling down the throat of the American public, I'd like to offer to buy you a tube of Remarkaberry Red Avon lipstick so that you'll leave a clear imprint when you kiss my pale-as-the-bone-white-moon liberal ass.
To say that I was right about this corrupt, incompetent, war-mongering, oil-derrick felating president is the understatement of the decade. The final straw that snapped the camel's spine and left it vomiting blood and defecating itself in the desert was the revelation that Bush authorized the NSA to circumvent the FISA court in order to wiretap American citizens without a warrant.
Already, I can hear the sounds of College Republicans piddling themselves in anticipation of defending their golden god. "Yeah, but on FOX News Ann Coulter said that liberals don't know how to keep America safe and that the wiretaps were only for members of al-Qaeda anyway, so who cares? Plus liberals are baby-killers."
To all of you I say go ahead and spin all you want, 'cause there ain't no dancing outta this one. First of all, the Bush administration itself knows what it's doing is illegal because they tried to jam this authority into the war resolution. When Congress balked, they took it out, and then just went ahead and did it anyway. Hey, if you can't get Congress to go along, just go do it and then say that you're the president, so it's my cool, baby, don't stress none!
Secondly, haven't we already learned the lesson that wiretaps without oversight are just a bad idea? The whole reason we have the FISA court in the first place is because Dick Nixon was a nutjob and went around wire-tapping anyone who looked at him wrong or interrupted his drunken, incoherent muttering. Or did you just want to take Bush at his word that he's only wire-tapping terrorists? I figure he talks about Jesus a lot so he must be telling the truth.
Finally, those who are paying attention to the details of this story know that the NSA has been listening in on all overseas calls and flagging suspicious conversations. For instance, when I was in Italy this summer those thugs were listening in when I told my parents about my visit to "Osama's ribhouse" where I ordered the "nuclear hot wings" by saying, "I'm ready for a full-fledged attack of flavor!"
I also mentioned my favorite Bob Dylan album, Infidels and the new rock band I was starting called "Perish in a Fiery Holocaust on the Wings of Allah" (we're still looking for a bass guitarist, so e-mail me if you're interested).
