"Did you know that condoms have expiration dates?" my mother asks me, excited to share her newfound knowledge.
"Yes, Mom," I answer, not looking up from my magazine.
"Did you know syphilis is passed from skin-to-skin contact?" She shudders this time, appearing to be grossed out.
What kind of book or magazine was my mom learning all this from, you might ask? Well, she wasn't reading a medical book or one of those pamphlets you get handed in high school health class. My mother is an abstinence-only educator.
This is a new direction for my mom, a former high school English teacher. She hasn't been in the schools since before I was born, so this is an experience for her on multiple levels. And it's a real experience for the rest of the family, to say the least.
I personally believe every high school student should receive thorough sexual education, covering STDs, all forms of birth control and abstinence. In the wise words of my high school health teacher, "I waited. You can wait. But I know you're going to do it anyway, so I'm going to prepare you." Everyone needs to know what is available to them because everyone isn't going to do what you think is right. When my mom called me at school to say she was going to be involved with abstinence-only teaching, we agreed not to fight about our ideals. And so far we haven't had a single problem.
My mother began her job right after Thanksgiving, so when I came home for winter break things were different. Not only were there chastity pamphlets and random objects she used in her abstinence skits just lying around, but sex and talk of sexually transmitted diseases (sexually transmitted infections, to be politically correct) had become part of everyday conversation. Even at the dinner table.
I'll never forget the day my mom came walking through the house asking us if we had seen her HIV picture. I never thought I would hear those words come out of my mom's mouth, let alone in the same sentence.
My mother re-entering the workforce as an abstinence educator has not only changed things at home, but also has made other people act differently. Over break I went with my mother to the hairdresser where we both had appointments. My mom told her long-time hairdresser about her new job, and the girl cutting my hair overheard this conversation.
While my mom and her hairdresser kept on chatting about various aspects of her job, my hairdresser decided she needed to inform me about how she contracted genital herpes on another part of her body when she was a teenager. I learned when she gets stressed, she has herpes breakouts. She went on to say having an STD was the reason she believes kids should be educated about not only abstinence, but also diseases and how to protect themselves. I just nodded, smiled and looked concerned when appropriate, and silently wondered if she washed her hands before she had begun touching my hair.
My mom thinks this new job has given her some sort of joking material. Over break every time one of my friends would come over, her first words to them would be, "Hey! Wanna see my STD slides?"
I have understanding friends, whose parents can be a little embarrassing at times as well, so they would laugh at her attempted joke and tell her no, even if it was the third time she asked them that week.
Another joke my mom liked she would use over break when I would leave the house for a night out with friends.
"Be safe," she would say, narrowing her eyes at me. "Don't do anything that would make me lose my job!"
Whenever I call home, my mom always has a story about the students in her classes. My very favorite moment happened when she was in training, and instead of presenting she was sitting in the back of the classroom observing. After the presenter told the students that a person can catch genital herpes on any part of their body, one girl sitting near my mom immediately took out her antibacterial hand gel and washed her hands, shuddering as she did so.
This is a prime example of why students need to be taught everything about sex. Especially how it might be a little hard to catch herpes from the desk.
My mother taking on the job of an abstinence educator might sound strange and sometimes embarrassing, but I have actually learned some interesting facts from her. For example, everyone knows that latex condoms have to be kept out of direct sunlight and at room temperature or it will limit their effectiveness. But a lot of people don't know the trucks that condoms are shipped in are not air-conditioned, and the temperatures in the trailers are hot enough to fry an egg.
And if you would like to hear more where that came from, I know a woman who would love to show you her STD slides.
