One of the greatest luxuries of college life is finally escaping your parents. No longer can the weight of their roof oppress you: You are now a college student. Eat Oreos for every meal - no one will stop you. Wear footie pajamas to class - no one will make you change into real clothes. You are independent and you do what you want. Isn't it great not having parents around to tell you how to life your life?

Well, say goodbye to your freedom and say hello to Parents' Weekend, the one weekend a year in which your parents take the "fun" out of "colfunlege."

"The whole point of Parents' Weekend is to give families an idea of what their child is doing here at school." This is something a Miami University worker would have said had I interviewed one. He or she might have gone on to say, "Our event schedule is a great example of what Miami has to offer."

Great example indeed. From the Farmers Market to equestrianism, Parents' Weekend is a savory taste of how every student at Miami is enjoying the best years of his or her life. This weekend is all about showing parents what college is really like, begging the question "Parents, did you know?"

Parents, did you know … starting in 2010, business will be the only degree Miami offers!

Thanks to the new business school, Miami University can finally cut all those unnecessary programs that are sucking up the funding for business students and athletics. Who needs fine arts? Really. Miami does not want those kinds of artsy deadbeats roaming around campus in their clogs and crocheted hats. As of next fall, only business classes will be taught, making Miami University the international headquarters of douche-baggery.

Parents, did you know … Miami has a football team!

That's right: Yager Stadium is not a piece of installation art as so many believe it to be, it is actually used! By people! Wearing football uniforms! It is rumored that they go by the name, "the football team," but police say that name has yet to be confirmed. Authorities are looking into the case and plan to officially launch the investigation next week.

Parents, did you know … Greek students are unaware that a week is only seven days long!

Greek Week, a long-standing tradition for Greek community, actually lasts 10 days as opposed to seven days like the name Greek WEEK suggests. There are lots of things Greek students are oblivious to (like the fact that no one outside of their Greek World gives a flock about what sorority or fraternity they're in) and the seven-day-week concept is one of those things. The 10-day-week of wearing matching shirts, replacing individual identities with Greek letters and puddle pull (it's like tug-of-war but sitting down, because standing up during this is asking way too much) will be taking place during Parents' Weekend. So, Mom and Dad, if you're sick of learning about college life and are curious about what high school is like, head on over to Greek Week plus three days.

Parents, did you know … students at Miami get to take totally unnecessary classes!

Thanks to the Miami Plan, Miamians are force-fed the opportunity to be in classes like environmental geology or art history, even if they don't care about rocks and have never heard of Leonardo da Vinci. Most Miami Plan classes are usually more challenging than the major classes students want to take, meaning we learn more about mitosis than we do about things that may help us in our chosen career path. Memorizing the Latin names of trees might sound pointless and tedious, but if you're ever on Jeopardy … I'm actually not going to finish that because you will never be on Jeopardy. I mean, how many years does Alex Trebek really have left? Robots have expiration dates, too, ya know.

Parents, did you know … students only accept care packages with candy or money!

It is hard enough sending your little baby to college, so do not make the distance worse by sending subpar care packages. If it does not have candy (Reese's cups, Peanut Butter M&Ms, Sour Patch Kids, Skittles, Twix, 100 Grand, etc.), your child will start ignoring your calls. If it does not have money (Monopoly money doesn't count, Mom), say good bye to Thanksgiving with the whole family because your little baby is shunning you and your crappy care packages. Don't let your child be the one who receives newspaper articles from home, a bag of peanuts and a sentimental Hallmark card. Nobody wants to be that guy.

Parents, did you know ... a bag of popcorn counts as a meal!

Thanks to Orville Redenbacher, students can whip up a gourmet meal in less than five minutes! Just pop that bag in the microwave and a few minutes of staring into space later, voila: Dinner is served. While popcorn may take second prize in college food staples (behind Ramen noodles), it takes first prize for the cause of dormitory fires - there's an easy fix to a roommate problem.

Parents, did you know … Scott is the best dining hall on campus!

Both Hot Scott and Cold Scott always offer exceptional dining adventures, and if anyone disagrees with that, two words: Toasted. Subs. Are good. That's four words. Now seven, but one is a contraction, so 7 1/2.

Time to create your own "Parents, did you know." Fill in the Parents Did You Know mad lib and have a Miami fun fact all your own.

Parents, did you know … I verb when I verb!

I never realized this (noun) until I got to college, and it really (verb past tense) my life. I guess at Miami, (noun plural) are pretty (adjective). It's (adjective), actually, because at the other (noun plural) I visited, no one had any (noun plural) but Miami has (same noun plural) in troves. There's also a pirate, who can (verb) with his (body part). I'm learning so many new (noun plurals), and the business school is off-the-(noun)! But back to my fun "Parents Did You Know" fact …